| my passion cry

Remember when you first step into university? With all that adrenaline pumping in your veins, getting all excited with the unfolding of a new chapter of your life. Yea.. I still remember it all so clearly. Just like I remember how I first picked up my guitar. I was only 12 years of age and it was a Kapo, a classical guitar with steel strings that can really cut your skin. Well, it is to be expected. After all, the guitar cost a mere RM80. That was my first guitar. Actually, it wasn't my first. It was my bro's guitar, I just borrowed it. With two great people teaching me the basics of playing the guitar, I have no idea that I was venturing into something that will be part of my life, forever.

WORSHIP

My first guitar is a Yamaha F-330 that cost RM300. It was the happiest day of my life. I was finally able to be rid of that meat cutting Kapo and now able to practice and play on a 'real' guitar. With it I served in Kid's Church in Gateway Christian Fellowship, which will be the main ground of my soon-to-be church serving days. Told myself that I would use this gift given by God to serve Him and Him alone.

WHAT IS WORSHIP?

Fast forward 2 years later. I made a lot of progress; before I knew it, I was holding chords that never could have when I first started off. I was glad. Soon I told my father that I would like to buy a guitar that I can keep for the rest of my life. I needed an instrument that would allow me to play my best, to give my best to God. I am an instrument of God in need of an instrument to be an instrument of God. Sounds complicated eh? ahaks~ After much searching, testing, trying and saving. I settled for my beloved Yamaha DWX 10-C. Yeap, it's the guitar in the background picture. A whopping RM1800 and my bank became so dry, the walls cracked. Oh yea, the hard-case cost RM300 so that makes it all together RM2100. Yay~ Despite the price, it's one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life of screw-ups.

IT'S MORE THAN A SONG

I served in my youth as faithful as I can. I came to learn what it means to be watched by people. I learn to fall and fail badly. I learn how to rise once again. I learn what it means to love the young people. I learn to swallow my pride. I learn to be a leader. We were called GY or Gateway Youth. We had our own room with murals and pictures all over. Had a good P.A. system and fabulous friends. I still remember those night practices and dinner at Fajar's Mc Ds. I miss you Alan Teh. Oh yea, I got my electric guitar, RM1400, multi-effects, RM900, and an amplifier, RM600. I only paid half but dad was kind enough to help with the rest. Thanks dad~

Went to Tampin yesterday with a team of musicians and friends. As I went up the van, memories of a similar trip with my youth to Kota Bahru and KL flashed before me. We talked nonsense throughout the journey and they laughed at my lame jokes. I laughed. Living Waters AOG. A big church with few in numbers. God must have surely bless them a lot. I came expecting nothing. But as I stood among the congregation, as I played, I recall what it is to serve God. I remember what it is to worship God. I remember why I picked up that guitar. I remember why I love what I love to do. Because I love to worship God.

Oh, how I long to feel that feeling once again. Oh, how I yearn to feel that heat, to be that flame, to join that fire. How I long to worship You oh God. How I long to worship You. You took the weight of the world on Your shoulders. I stand on Your shores and Your waves overcome me. I love You. Oh how I love You. This is my passion. This is my cry.

I WILL BE STILL, KNOW YOU ARE GOD

| im feel like im a ninja

Best quote from I've heard within the month,
Q : Of all the ninja skills in the world, which is the deadliest?
A : The one that kills you~

For more ninjistics, go to Ask A Ninja dot com

| im not masochistic in nature.. really~

I got injured again today. No, nothing about my shoulder, back or my leg. Okay, maybe it has a little something to do about my leg. Not leg directly anyway, but actually, it's my foot - my right foot to be exact. Yea~

all the gals go "eewwww~"

Cool huh? It's been awhile since I got an injury like that. It looks like one of my accident-type injury but.. Ho, ho, ho. Foolish people who thinks so are dead wrong. In fact, it has got nothing to do with motor-vehicles. Shocked? Well, my family would be. After all, most of my injuries are from motor-vehicles and they leave a nice, cute lil' scar as a reminder like, "Hey! Remember me? Yea, I was born when that stupid lady crash into you without even giving a signal. I miss you~".

Ooooo... pain...

There, not so bad is it? Actually, it's worst than it looks. I scraped off nearly a millimeter of skin. It is THAT deep. Initially, when I got it wasn't bleeding and I didn't really bother to check it out (more on that later), but after a minute or so, my feet was covered in blood. Even after cleaning the wound, blood would still flow. That kinda sucks~

now follow me, everybody~

Getting that wound though, wasn't the first time for me but the first time wasn't so bad. This one's definitely blog-worthy. ahaks~ So I was partially helping my dad to fix some stuff in the kitchen. My right foot was under a plastic chair and just when I wanted to climb up the chair. *SRAAAATCHHH!!!* Tadaaa~ A nice wound to play around with.

cool waterproof bandage

Mom was kind enough to tend to my wounds. Normally I would do it myself but I guess she kinda miss fixing me up. Back in high school, she got so bored of me getting accidents, when I came home with one, I would just tend to it myself. Anyway, my mom is now equip with new medicine that is quite cool. When applied over an infected wound, it would bubble up indicating there is infection. Say hello to my little friend, H2O2 aka Hydrogen Peroxide and his nasty accomplice, Povidine-Iodine. Well, Povidine-Iodine is actually Iodine minus the Spirit which equals to less pain. Yeap, take this down kids, Iodine - Spirit = less pain. According to my mom, Spirit is the killer that stings - badly.

if you look close enough, you can see the dangling skin..

Anyway, it's been awhile since I've gotten a surface injury that required such treatment. It's been too long, so much so I miss the feeling of pain that I get. The pain is my ally, it helps me know that I am still alive. ahaks~

Good nite peeps~

| its hard to be wontdieone

I had a bad day. A very bad day. Actually, I had a good day that ended very badly and I have absolutely no mood to post any shit here. I'm pissed and disappointed. I guess some people just don't realize that the person being the punching bag here is me. They hit me in the face and say they don't have anymore energy. I'm speechless.. Fortunately, I wrote this post earlier but couldn't publish it due to some blogger.com nonsense.

---------------------------------------------------

I have people asking me, "What's the meaning of wontdieone? Heck, how do you pronounce it anyway? wontdion.. wondien.. wondieon? lets just call you wondy" (don't you guys even think of calling me that). So now let me just spell it out to you dudes out there one by one, the name's won't-die-one. Go figure~

People wonder how I came up with that name. First and foremost, it wasn't I who came up with that name. Truthfully, it was my ex-high school buddies who blurted it out one day. I still vividly remember the conversation..

(flashback start)

Weed : Yorr... you had so many accidents lee.. when are you gonna die arr?
Me : Choii~ Touch wood! Touch wood! Where can say like that oneee~ You want me to die arr?
Weed : It's true what?! See the scars on yur hands and body. Who can survive le?
Me : Oii~ Those accidents are people bang me one you know~ And coincidentally all those who crashed into me are all those of the females species.. guess they really have the hots for me..
Weed : Ptui~ Hots yur head larr~ They have a crush.. no, they have a crash on you. hahahaha!
Me : Funny. I don't mind dating them, not getting hit by them.
Weed : Yooo.. So you're saying those chicks are hitting on you larr~
Me : Ya right~ Hit me till I die is it?
Weed : Hahaha~ Don't worry mann, you won't die one larr..
Me : I won't die one?
Weed : Eh~ That sounds good sial~ Won't die one.. won't die one.. hahaha~
Me : .... *bomb*

(flashback end)

So that's how I got the nickname wontdieone. I was so popular back then that I had bunch of stalker-freak papparazzis following me around, waiting to catch those moments when I do my stunt accidents. They were even so kind as to send those pictures to me (great...). Here are some of them.

this is an old one. i was doing a back flip from
the front of my bike to land on the seat. cool huh?

i was running on the dirt tracks behind my house
just before i executed my famous move, The Flying Monkey

getting crashed into by chicks kinda made me pissed.
so this time, i took revenge by crashing into them. muahahahaha~

some ceo of a motor-vehicle safety company witness the crash
i had above and hired me as a 'live' crash test dummy.
good pay i tell ya~

no, i'm not the dude who's arm got run over..
i'm dude who's running him over. ahaks~
kay.. that looks painful..

And after all these accidents, I'm still alive. Amazing eh?

.
.
.
.

Yea right~ Good nite peeps! WontdieonE, signing off~

| procrastinating = bad.. very bad

I'm procrastinating more than my advisable dose of procrastinatable prescriptions.. if there's such a thing as procrastinatable prescriptions. *checking..* Go figure~

zzzZZZzzZZzzzzZZZZzzzzz

So how did all these procrastinating started? Well, I know I am lazy sometimes.. *ahem* sometimes. Still, it would be such a dumb defence if I would to say everyone procrastinates (they do, dammit!). But seriously, it's like every time I manage to persuade myself to get my butt moving, excuses come flooding in. The most prominent factor would be the "i don't know how to do worr" factor. Not knowing how to do a certain task can really boost up my laziness to the point where I'll just put my heavy arse back down again.

broken chopsticks and chapped lips and things like chemistry

Cause I think way too much. I'm thinking of over thinking. I get that a lot. Especially when I walk to my examination and the toilet sign is right in front of the Exam Hall. Makes you think how shitty those papers are doesn't it?

exam venue = toilet.. shit~

Note : If you feel this post doesn't make anymore (or any) sense, it's because I'm really really tired.. lack of sleep.. brain freezing.. freezin.. freez...

Kay.. Back to procrastinating. One of the fews things I do while I procrastinate is sleeping. Feel lazy to do anything? Sleep. Too bored? Sleep. Not bored? Sleep~ Sleeping is the answer to all your question. So much so, people do their yoga meditation while sleeping in hopes to gain an epiphany. Another place I go to gain an epiphany is my throne aka toilet.

Malaysian Censorship : censored private areas

| repost

dejavu..

papa roach
scars

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed 'cause you came around
Why don't you just go home?
'Cause I channeled all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
And my weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassion's in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
And my weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shoulda' never come around
Why don't you just go home?
'Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
I left my heart open
But you didn't understand

Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
And my weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

| i wish i were a superhero

As Deric said how he wish he was Superman, here I am to say the exact same thing to you too. I wish I am Superman. There, done. Sure I did rant about needing more time and all but, as we all know, that is quite the impossible. Excuse my English.

So, if you can't have more time, why not be someone who has more time - be Superman! Damn, I'm smart. Unfortunately, I don't really like his costume. Tried it out before and fits me perfectly but.. there's something missing. Can't feel the mojo flowing. Yea, something like that. As we all know, to be Superman is also quite the impossible. Excuse my English.

Sure, I managed to attain a level of Super-Heroism (WontdieonE), but frankly speaking, that's all I'm good at. I can't fly, I'm slower than a speeding bullet and I do get hurt. Heck, even Batman is better than me. He knows martial arts and when that fails, he has loads of tools to help get is butt out of trouble - all I have with me are my brains and even that, I sometimes forget to bring along when I'm out to save the world. I'm the worst superhero ever.

| im featured on guitar one magazine!

Okay, it's a fake. This is the fruit of my labour, my assignment for Introduction To Multimedia (yeah, like i need an intro). Believe it or not, I made the whole thing from sratch, the borders, the fonts, the pics, all custom made. Cool huh?

Here's the original. Looks better than mine because it's featuring Nickelback.

| living life without limbs

I complain every time I try to find food on Tuesday afternoons. Or was it Thursdays? I dunno. But it seems on either one of these days, all the shops would close in the noon. Imagine walking all the way to Medan Selera only to find that the lower stalls aren't open. Then walking up to Wilson Chicken Rice only to find that they're having mah jong sessions on that day. I wanna eat my fried chicken dammit!

It's no easy feat to walk all the way there and back, sweating under the scorching hot sun. All for the taste of that bloody over-rated fried chicken that puts some kinda drug that keeps you going there under the scorching hot sun on most of the afternoons. They're stupid - I'm dumb. Real dumb.

Nick Vujicic. Born without any limbs but an under-developed foot with 2 toes. 23 years old and a darn cute guy. Almost cuter than me.. almost. Having such a huge physical disability a normal person would probably breakdown and die, but he, he lives on and smiles. Heck, I bet he smiles even more than me (and gets hugged by girls more than me *sad*). The fact that he's a motivational speaker speaks a lot more. From his talk earlier today, I've really learnt what it means to be suffering, what it means to be helpless, and what it means to be grateful. Yeah... grateful~

I'm grateful that the bloody over-rated fried chicken stall opens near MMU. I'm glad that there's a (not-so-nice) Wilson Chicken Rice in Bukit Beruang. I'm glad the char siew fan downwards Petronas has that sweet syrup for a sauce that I like so much. I'm grateful of having these scars in and on my body that made me stronger and wiser (and occasionally stupid). I'm grateful for having a brother that I love/hate so much, a father who's there for me and a mother who works hard for me. I'm grateful for having a great gal by my side(no one's perfect - i'm definitely not). Above all, I'm grateful I have God.

| fine line between procrastination and busy

You know, my life isn't so busy - really, it isn't. But sometimes, I wonder why I feel I'm so busy. Between my ger, studying, cf, the band, church, and friends. It seems like my time is being eaten up somehow. It makes me do one of those cliche' wishes you know, "I wish I had more time.. bla bla bla..". *sigh* I feel pathetic... Did I just call myself pathetic? Grrr..

Last friday I just took the last of my midterm papers. Whoop-pee-do Andrew, now all you gotta do is complete those 4 projects and that 1 fyp project that will determine you future. Oh ya, don't forget to call all those companies and update with them unless you wanna fail your Industrial Training.

I hate to rant. I really, honestly hate to rant. As much as it seems like I'm really enjoying myself. I really don't like to rant. I makes me look pathetic... I just called myself pathetic again. Grrr..

Ahhh!! I want more than 24 hours in a day! I want like say, 36 or even 40 for that matter. Then I can get that average 12 hours of sleep that I've always dreamt of in my 6 hours of sleep. Yea, all ye fyp and final year students, just imagine having 40 golden hours a day. 12 hours of sleep, 3 hours of makaning (excluding supper), 8 hours of study, 5 hours of doing projects/assignments/tutorials, 3 hours nap, 1 hour bathing time, 4 hours of sport and 4 hours of gaming.
Sweet huh? Well, keep dreaming guys, I know I am. ahaks~

| sometimes, i wish i had more

Sure, we're taught to be grateful for what we have. On good days, I wake up smelling the air, thanking God for giving me another breath. On those not-so-good days, I still do thank God for them - just not all the time. On bad days, I really, honestly do wish I had more. Time. Money. Patience. Love. Understanding. Health. Yea, on bad days I really wish I had more.. I wish I could give more.

even the sun can pierce thickest forests

I wish I had the resources to make things better. To have a better quality life, instead of constantly hiding this sickness of mine. To just once.. once in a while get the things that I want, instead of holding myself back from wanting it too much because I know I'll never get them. To give you things you deserve, instead of having you go through my problems. To give you joy and happiness. For whatever I lack, I do my best to give you what I can, and I'm truly sorry for those times when I really can't.

in a circle of completed buildings, i stand abandoned

Life throws shit at my face and I'm okay with that. Sure I get pissed with things, I get pissed at myself. But yet, I smile at the crowd before me. I don't want you to get caught in the crossfire of flying shits that life throws. It's a sick and disgusting game, but heck, it does happen - shit, that is.

what little i can give

So I'm sorry for the drops of shit that stain you from my shitty hands. I'm not perfect - in fact, I'm far from it. But for whatever I can give, I will always try my best to give. For whatever I can't, I'll still try my best to give.

Sorry.

| i keep losing things

"The Arcane University. You can tell it's an arcane university because it has crazy purple fire" - Greg Kasavin, GameSpot