| the end will justify..

..the pain it took to get us there~

My grandmother's speedy recovery is quite the surprise and relief to all of us. By God's wonderful grace, she's doing better than expected and we're looking forward to see her smile and walking again. Thank you for all your prayers and concern. I assure you all that it has not gone to waste. What am I saying! Of course it has not gone to waste! No prayer has never gone unheard~ ahaks~

tell me something that's sure to break my heart

Well, calling all MMU'ians. By now you must have heard the call of the results. It's quite difficult to ignore such thunderous waves of Yahoo Messenger's message pop-ups reminding us that our dreaded exams' results are finally out and it's time to see if our *ahem* hard work had paid off well. Mine was.. well.. 'okay' I guess.. *sob* *sob*. Should've receive better results for those subjects. Too bad I guess. Not everyone is lucky. I can hear cries of 4-flat students going, "Ceh~ Why is 4.00 the highest I can ever achieve?". I don't think those guys are humans - well, real humans at least. ahaks~ Congrats to those who scored with flying colours and bananas and, well, kudos to those who didn't do so well. You tried, and that's better than not doing anything at all. Life's not fair.

the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

Can't wait for this coming Monday. I'm really excited for what's to come. Taking off on Tuesday shows where my priority is and darn well, it shows enough. ahaks~ Hope I will finally have the fun I need this holiday. I don't want my holiday to be nothing but work after all. As if the next short sem is very inviting and pleasing to all MMU'ians. Short sem means more work. More work means less time to fellowship. Less time to fellowship means..? You fill it in yourself kay? I'm working closing tomorrow/today and father and brother doesn't seem to be happy about it. Worse still - they're blaming me. *sigh* Oh well, I'm getting use to it already. After all, everything's my fault.

best fire-fighters in the world

| in my memory

i cant remember when..

As hard as I try remembering, I couldn't remember almost anything of my life before 12 years old. Yea~ I don't know when I realize it but when I did, I was scared. For a teen to have such memory is uncommon and not normal. I couldn't remember any of my friends till they met me and "introduced" themselves. I had to look at pictures to remember my family holiday to Langkawi and Phuket. I had to hear stories from my parents and uncles and aunties to recall incidents when I was younger. No one in my family knew I had this 'problem'. I was already a black sheep in the family and this new knowledge will make my status worse. So yea, I was afraid.

i dont remember how..

But when I informally told my family about it, they brushed it off like an everyday talk and I was happy, for awhile that is. I don't know if I'm right or not because I can't really remember it perfectly, but I really hold on to certain things that I do remember and when people tell me otherwise, I will fight for it - I fight for my memory. The people whom I'm closest with took advantage of this. His awesome memory enabled him to win many arguments just because I can't recall those incidents, but I do know that they exist. His claim, I don't have hard evidence. I guess he's right, a fleeting memory is no proof of anything after all.

i cant remember what..

Yesterday, my beloved grandmother fell down and fractured the neck of her hip bone. The whole family was on our toes. At the graceful age of 84 any injury can be fatal. Being a diabetic and stroke patient, paralyzed on the left side of her body is not a good record to have a fracture, though minor it may be to people of our age. Her options; to lie in bed for a few years and hope that the bone will recover by itself. But she being a diabetic patient, lying in bed is a no no. The second option gives hopes to quick recovery and a chance to walk soon, but the risk of operating is not so forgiving. The risk of giving general anesthesia to a diabetic patient of her age is complications during surgery, coma and the worst-case, death. But my grandmother has decided to risk the operation rather than lie in bed for what seems to be the last few years of her life. We can't say no to her, ergo, we gave our best morale support to her as children and grandchildren.

i cant remember who..

As if having the thought of my grandmom going through such tribulation is bad enough, I had an argument with my brother on the way to the hospital that made it all the worse. We argued common issues but the part when I try to prove a point to him about his past mistakes but just can't remember when and how it really happened, he said I'm using my 'bad memory' as an excuse means that it didn't happen, he didn't do anything at all.

i cant remember why..

I was really pissed at him. Couldn't stand his self-righteous façade but at the same time, I was pissed at myself. I hated my memory. I hated the fact that my memory put me in the losing end, the person who's always wrong and made it clear that everything's my fault, just because I can’t remember the incident well enough to prove my innocence.

but will definitely remember you

It isn't easy not being able to remember. Screw you dammit!! You don't know my pain and probably will never know how it feels not being able to remember your past. You kick me in the face with it and shove me down the dirt. Of all the things that you've done to me, this is the worst that you've done. I hate you for shoving what little of my memory in the drain. I've never forgiven you for this and the things that you did in the past and I guess I never will. I will not forget this.

wish i could run to you now

| trapped in complete fear

I made a decision that somewhat might piss my father; I asked for a day off next Tuesday aka Deepavali, meaning no triple pay for me. Okay, maybe he will not be piss. Heck, he might not even care. Still, I'm guessing that he'd be disappointed. bleh~ In the end, I know that having a day off on that over-rated-all-important triple pay day is very well worth it.

So last Thursday I got my hands on fear. But due to massive boredom and need-to-fill time after work disorder, I finished F.E.A.R. yesterday evening (yay~?) and I've really got to say, should any rich-arse producer would make any of those game-to-movie kind of shows, they should make F.E.A.R. a movie. The storyline is rich with action and serious horror and I believe that this game has truly out done Half-Life 2 in many ways.

Okay, so I'm used to watching horror flicks and all and how the horror theme is done through the eyes of the camera. This game however managed to pull off that horror/creepy atmosphere solely through first-person view. Imagine walking to ladder facing downwards, you click on the keyboard button to climb the ladder and as you go down the ladder, while your body turns and faces the opposite direction, you see little Alma looking down at you and suddenly disappears. One word - cool. If GerX freaked out playing DOOM3, it'll be very wise for her to stay away from this game. Seriously. Too bad she's in Korea now, enjoying her holiday like how she should. Lucky girl.

| what's so great about the holidays

Yesterday was my first official day off since I start working at Kenny Rogers Roasters on Wednesday. Made me realize how much Kenny Rogers have change and how working life has always remain the same and I'm reminded how the real world is like once again. Many other MMU'ians are spending their holiday rather relaxed. Many of my friends have plans to travel around Malaysia while others are even planning on going overseas and here I am, working to fill my bank with the much needed cold hard cash. Lucky them eh? Still, spending my holiday working ain't so bad after all. I'd rather work and gain some cash than do nothing and waste more cash. That's my conception, though wrong it may be. Though I do miss my traveling holidays. I like the idea of carrying my heavy haversack around and get to know other cultures and people. Yea, I'm definitely a traveling dude but unfortunately I can't afford such things - not now at least but inexorably I will, someday.

There are certain things I wanna do this holiday. Whether I do it or not depends on how busy I am with my work so it's really not a solid plan.

Number one : work out
Back in my old NS days I would wake up 6am in the morning to do some lame (but effective) exercises, train my body to be more resistant, do push-ups on my fists, and jog for 2kms. Sweet stuff I tell ya. Nothing beats jogging while the morning breeze brushes against my bald head, exhilarating. I've been slacking off a lot since those days and I intend to build myself up but unfortunately I'm working morning shifts, so we'll just have to see how the plan goes.

Number two : sports sports sports
I miss playing all those sports. I've been so busy in MMU, I hardly ever have the chance the go to the club to swing my racket. Ergo, this holiday I'm trying to plan to pick up my old skills in table tennis, badminton, soccer, basket ball, pool, and bowling. Not to mention increase my stamina in swimming and holding my breath underwater.

Number three : fooooood - sushi
I love sushi. Treat me sushi on my busiest working day and I'll ditch my boss just swallow some scrumptious smoked salmon and tempura or sink my teeth into the mouth-watering unagi (eel). Yeah~ That's the bomb I tell ya. So hopefully before the holiday is over, I'll get to treat myself to some sushi. Who ever who reads this blog, PLEASE TREAT ME WITH SOME SUSHI!! PITY DEAR OL' ANDREW BOY!!

Number four : haven't thought of it yet.. ahaks~

So that's it I guess. Though I doubt I'll be able to do any 2 of them, I do hope I can finish it off. Sure working is important and yes I do need the cash in my bank or else I won't survive in MMU, but I also wanna spend time doing stuff that I wanna do. A fight between my needs and wants - it never ends. Hope you dudes and dudettes spend your holidays wisely. Night peeps~

beat my green dragon! - the family mah jong rules

| F.E.A.R. - the hardship of getting it

the name says it all

On a rainy Friday evening, dated July 23rd 2004, time: 10.26pm, I posted a.. post on F.E.A.R., a promising FPS that was said to challenge the Half-Life series in its tracks. Forward a year, in the month of October, F.E.A.R. is finally out. So what is F.E.A.R. all about? What's with the amazing publicity and hype? Well, while trying not go away any spoilers of any sort, think of F.E.A.R. as Half-Life 2 without aliens and with better AI, blended in the world of The Ring. The Ring as in the japanese horror - no connection with Lord Of The Ring. bleh~

Mr Wilson, be afraid.. be very afraid..

Finding time to buy the newly release F.E.A.R. : Directors Edition DVD was quite an exciting as I am working morning shifts this whole week (and possibly throughout the whole month) and I couldn't wait to get my hands on the game. Initially, I went to Bukit Beruang's cd shop (support uni area first) but unfortunately, the dude doesn't have it yet. My next stop was my ex-regular place, Senyum Super (translated as Super Smile *sigh* malay names) in town and to my delight, not only do they have F.E.A.R. but also Black & White 2 on DVD too. Unfortunately, I am short on cash this whole month, ergo I used my LAST (note the bold font) 10 bucks to buy F.E.A.R.. Mann was I happy. Got home and switched on my com. Here's when things turn a little frustrating.

no Mr Wilson, no.. kill yourself.. no Mr Wilson..

It seems the dude that pirated the CD had to emulate the DVD in order to copy it, so I had to install their virtual cd emulator to "use" the DVD. Personally, I dislike virtual cds. Aside from the virtual cd crap, they gave me a list of instructions on how to use the F.E.A.R. DVD. Followed the instruction step by step and eventually I got into F.E.A.R.'s autorun setup. Here's comes the 2nd bummer, I don't have the CD Key and without it, I can't install the game. Dumb pirates were to lazy to search of a key generator before distributing the bloody game. Was quite pissed at it but I was able to find a keygen online. I love code crackers, they're the best. Generate a key, lo and behold, I'm able to install F.E.A.R.. The 3rd bummer is that I have keep using the emulator to play the game. Solution, find the no-dvd-crack. After a little searching from my regular source, I found my little no-dvd-crack for the game and now, I can play the game peacefully without any hassle but boy oh boy, it is so worth it.

say hello to Elma, your freak host through the game

Unlike DOOM3 that uses the in-your-face scare tactics, F.E.A.R. goes for the crawling-under-your-skin atmosphere which by the way is quite difficult to pull of for a game but the dudes at Vivendi and Monolith managed to do it. The first 30 minutes of game play gave me some serious goose bumps I tell ya. As a mild hardcore PC gamer, I really enjoy the graphics and sound tracks in the game. They really make good use of shadows man (damn you little freak girl). Not to mention the slow-motion John Woo ala Matrix gun fights with the most intelligent AI I've ever seen and fought against. I give this game 9.3/10, so gamers out there, do get this game to fill your holiday time! Nite peeps!

| redemption

Today was just the beginning, the beginning of how I would really spend the rest of my holiday. Yes boys and girls, Andrew Liu is sighted and confirmed to be working at the new Kenny Rogers Roasters branch on the 1st floor of Mahkota Parade. Quickly flock to Kenny Rogers to get your own limited Autographed-Meal by Andrew de-Man Liu himself!

way to go Tesco!

Talk about ego boost huh? But it's still true, phantom84 and wontdieone are working at KRR till the end of the holidays, unless of course, something else that's more important that work crops up. *winks* It's quite nostalgic walking in to MP with our full black attire. I told my bro that if we would close our eyes and walk into MP, we would sub-consciously enter the late KRR which now Burger King has taken over. Well, who are we to say anything to a company that can afford to pay that 300% increase in rental fees. Ooops~ I guess I shouldn't have said that. Now everyone will know why the food is so damn bloody expensive in MP these days. The big boss of MP is a tick that's sucking the life out of every store! No offence if you're the tick that's reading this. ahaks~

~You took the weight of the world on Your shoulders~

But truthfully, it was pretty sad to see the old place that my father opened (insert number) years ago torn down a few months after he retired. He did a good job maintaining that place throughout the old economic turbulence. Heck, I was even there to watch it build up slowly. *sigh* I feel old.

~You did it all for me. yes, You did it all for me~

Still, I gotta hand it to the new store, it looks more savvy then the old one. Even the ambiance is how KRR should be. It's either the place has a really great relaxing atmosphere or there are no customers. Hahahahaha~ That was a low-blow. My bad. But still, it felt good to return working in KRR. Even the old managers are happy that the "old crew" are back to give them a helping hand. The moment my brother and I stepped into KRR, everyone had high hopes on us and I could definitely feel the pressure of doing our best. After all, we are the Liu's of KRR. But when one of the new crews addressed me as "sir", my head blew up I realize how long have been in KRR, watching its life unfold. Man I feel old. Heh~

~because of what You've done i'm free~

But sometimes, the old memories that we reminisce so often should just remain forgotten and forgiven. I guess I have failed in that area. I came in hope for forgiveness, in hope for redemption. But I guess I'll never be forgiven by them for the things I've done. But I do know God's grace is sufficient for me and I pray that it will pull me through the rest of my life - He redeemed me. Got to keep on carrying the cross.. Got to keep on carrying the cross..

it's so true.. it's so true..

and you said I know that this will hurt
but if i don't break you heart then things will just get worse
if the burden seems too much to bear
remember, the end will justify the pain it took to get us there

| a malkavian's madness

taken from...
Vampire - The Masquerade : Bloodlines
the riddles of the Malkavian Primogen Grout

Perception at once shapes the Mind and rules over Time.
Time however erodes human Perception, and then in
turn warps the Mind. The Mind is capricious, having
various effects on Perception, Time, and the Mind
itself ... with harmony progress is made.

Chaos, like the Mind, can be understood only through
the scientific process. Order, however, is only as
good as Perception thereof. Time is the key that links
the two and bears witness their ebb and flow.

| a week away from a place called home

It's been a full week since I left home. No, I didn't run away nor was I kidnapped. Disappointed huh? ahaks~ And yes, I'm now at home in my room, all safe and sound, thank you for asking. bleh~ I'm sorry if I caused any of my fans out there to worry *koff*, I should've been more responsible to tell all of you that I was gonna be away for a week. Hahahhahahaa~ Yeah right..

~trace the shape of my heart..

Here's the summary, I was at MMUCF's Malacca Camp from Monday till Thursday, stayed on at Elaine's place till Sunday and there you go, a week away from home. Quite a short post eh? . . . You wish!

..till it becomes more familiar to Your eyes..

So what can I say about Malacca Camp? Only one word - illuminated.
MMUCF Malacca Camp 2005 : Illuminator
Venue : Golden Sands Port Dickson
Date : 10 - 13 October 2005
Speaker : Ps Joshua aka PJ
Special Guest : Edmund Smith (no relation with Agent Smith)

..been lost without You, cold without Your love..

On second thought, I have many more "words" to say about the camp. First off, Wayne, you petra for commanding such a great camp dude! Yea~ I'm gonna give credit to him only since he's the only guy who got the most beating. About the camp, the message was awesome, the worship was loud, the prayer was edifying, the beach was smooth, the sun was warm, the water was limited, but the food was great, my Angel turned out to be a shy timid girl *gasp!*, treated my Mortal with showering gifts, Redtards - one practice was close to perfection, knocked my head pretty hard (it still hurts), flashes from the cameras still lingers, and we had lots of fun. Also a very warm good bye to final year students, Billy Fei Mau, Tze Seong the Pirate, Sam Wise Gamgee, Agent Edmund Smith Cool Dude, Korean Dog Eater Deric, Coolest Guitarist JasonT, will seriously miss you guys. Well, that should sum up the camp.

..it's taken days and nights to make me realise~

What followed was a journey into the life of girl name Elaine Sua who welcomed us into her home with arms wide opened (think - Creed). She and her family showered us with love, affection and the much needed food attention. Her mom gave us a tantalized our taste buds with Blue Berry Cheese Tarts and the all awesomeness 10 full marks Hainanese Chicken Rice. Not to mention beating her 15 year old brother Asaph (pronounced Ae-saf) in table-tennis, bullying her 12 year old sister Esther, and playing around with her 8 year old cute lil' sister Abigail. Of all her family members, Abigail is the cutest lil' creature I've ever seen. You're a good sister, an obedient daughter and a great friend Elaine. Thank you.

~the eleventh hour quickly pass us by~

After going to Elaine's church on Sunday, GerX and I traveled back to Seremban where I would buy my 5pm bus ticket back to Malacca and try to recover from a week of fun and fellowship. Met GerX's parents, her cheerful dad and her ever-smiling mom. Wanted to meet her youngest bro but unfortunately, he was at some Chinese Chess club meeting or something like that. Chinese Chess.. I can't even win a proper English Chess game. ahaks~ I even got to see the super-manja side of GerX, it was very entertaining I assure you. Thanx ger for letting me bunk in your house for awhile. On a personal note, your parents are cuter than you mentioned before. Have a great holiday ger. Have a great holiday peeps! More pics at Deric the Dog Eater and Jason the Cool Un-Emo blogs.

artistic in the little room

had to make sure the ceiling is symmetrical

broke two of my lovely wife's strings - not the G-string

heart of worship - more than just the music

me, the laney man

crappy table tennis table that entertained us a little

the beautiful let down

i still look like crap with or without specs

the food was great Elaine

best buds in CF

say hello to my little friend

Elaine really spoilled us

GerX took modeling classes before

| a special message to the jackass crew

HAPPY HOLIDAYS KONN MANNS!!

| a day in my mind

Ever wonder what a day is like in my mind? No? Neither do I but I'm still gonna post it anyway.. bleh~

~it started with a lovely breeze..

..memories of final's fallout lingers in the atmosphere..

..so much so it made me dark - literally..

..the free meal cheered me up a little though..

..but i still felt like i was chained next to a mini-broom..

..a surprise and confused bird trapped in its feathers..

..lo and behold, a Mazda RX-8 appeared before me..

.."pfft.. rich kid", i thought to myself..

..but 30 minutes later, he was still there..

.."i think he's mocking me" - annoyance filled my mind

..i decided to chase after him..

..but our difference are so great..

..it felt as if (s)he held a gun to my face..

..but i guess it's a dog-eat-dog world out there~

Good nitez peeps~ Happy Holidays to MMUians!

| cold sweat

I haven't had a nightmare in ages. Today I had one. It's quite freaky really as it held a lot of truth, and that frightens me. After having dinner with my parents around 9pm, I dunno why but I lie down on my bed and just wanted to let time pass me by. I wanted to catch House on AXN but I guess I somehow fell asleep.

when everything inside me..

So, we don't know when we fall asleep right? We just do. But in the back of my mind, I'm supposed to be awake as I wanted to catch a show on tv, so the dream was rather realistic. From here, it becomes twisted. I dreamt that I was possessed - slowly. It's not immediate but rather, it was a slow process. That's not the scary part, the scary part was right in the end of the dream I heard something whispering to me - "my demons are still in me after all.."

..looks like everything i hate..

I woke up only to find my mom switching off the light. She told me it was already 1.30am and I dozed off since we got back from dinner. She left the room and there I was sitting all alone in the darkness. I thought back about the end of the dream, "my demons are still in me after all..". A sudden flash back of my past knocked me to the edge of my bed and I kept thinking if it's true. Are my demons still in me?

..You are the hope i have for change..

Sure I've done stupid things in the past. Sure I screw lots of people up and hurt tons of innocent people. Sure I've done things that I thought I would never do. Heck, even my family didn't know about my half-life. But I knew it would always haunt me no matter what I do to redeem myself. I guess that's why I go around with a smile and try my best to do what I can.

..You are the only chance i'll take

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I regretted all those things I've done and I know that there's nothing much I can do to make it go away. For as long as the memories are embedded in the minds of people, I'm forever guilty I guess. But God being God, gave me one shot at redemption - I took it.

| how's your holiday exam coming along?

It's already nearing 3am. Once again I sit here in my room all alone while the rest of them are studying over at bro's room. Why am I not studying?! Can't find the mood? No. Too confident? Hopefully not. Too dunno what to do? Yes~

You took the weight of the world on Your shoulders

I've been so-called designing wallpapers for my phone that I suites my current liking in a particular time. It takes patience and lots of creative juice from my over un-used mind. Ahaks~ Call it 'too free liao' or call it 'siao' but I managed to make a new one a few days back. After taking a few vain shots of myself (atleast im honest enough to admit it.. bleh~), I chose the one that's suitable for the design process. Some of them look rather plain, some I can't display here due to.. *ahem* reasons.. and some just sound very corny. Especially the one I'm currently working on. It looks quite complete but I feel it's not yet the time to put it in my phone. I may change it in the future. See how lorr.

the first

the current

the soon to come?

Went out yam cha with my course mates after a late-night study thingie. Was trying to catch back what I've long left rusted in the corner of my mind. After doing what I could, we eventually chatted away into the night before deciding to go for some yam cha'ing. But through out the whole yam cha session, we were bullying and teasing a friend of ours, Vinci or mosquito in Chinese. We had such a blast of a time that Shyne made a cool logo of our "bombing" team. Hehe~ Nice one larr Shyne!

the pure vip, the lumpy wannabe, wontdieone, lil goth queen

| battlefield 2 : yet again

Andrew : Yay~! 3 papers down! Holiday!! Holiday!!! Wahhahaahahahaahah!!

Anonymous : Wait.. don't you have your last paper on Thursday morning?

Andrew : So? *clueless-innocent face*

It's quite scary when I look at myself in the mirror after waking up (what's new huh?). I mean, my finals aren't officially over and here I am in my holiday mode. Scary.. Take today for example, I slept around 2am last night, woke up at 9am and accidentally (honest!) skip church with my folks, went back to sleep, woke up, took a bath and had porridge for lunch, went back to sleep, woke up at 6pm and slacked throughout the whole day. I feel like a zombie now. But after checking out the mirror, I'm convinced that I am a zombie. Ahaks~

wing formation Delta!

Been playing Battlefield 2 a lot recently. It's really an addictive capture-as-many-flags-while-killing-every-single-enemy-that-stands-in-your-way game, so much so my bro who's studying for his finals too got sucked into a vortex of laziness. Wait - he IS lazy what~ Ahahahahah~ Me bad, me bad. Still, it's fun watching him play and get all excited about the game, making all the sound effects, shouting commands to his deaf and stupid AI comrades. My personal favourite moment is watching him trying to capture the flag but got killed just before he got a hold of it. Ahhhh~ Priceless.

almost there.. almost there.. *BOOM!* .. damn..

I've suddenly got back my fascination of vampires. A couple of vampire movies and you would feel the same too. Think Blade, Queen Of The Damned, etc etc. Since biting other peoples' neck and drinking their blood is illegal (maybe not biting), I needed an alternative to satisfy the "hunger". Thus, I once again installed a game that uses the Source engine even before Half-Life 2 was released, Vampire The Masquerade : Bloodlines. A really cool game based on White Wolf's pen and paper Vampire : The Masquerade RPG series. So all ye fans of White Wolf, do check it out. The name Source might be impress many but still, the game has some minor bugs that irritates a little sometimes but as long as the hunger is satisfied, I have no complains. So do becareful of the Children Of The Night... GO STUDY LARR!!