| an aussie's humour

~I have no creativity; therefore I forge~

*adapted from starmag, sunday 12 march 2006*

Here's a little Q&A from an Australian Tourism Website. The answers are the actual responses by the website officials and damn, do they have a good sense of humour. Aussies are cool people.

UK : Does it ever get windy in Australia?
I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the
plants grow?
A : We import all plants fully grown and
then just sit around watching them die

USA : Will I be able to see kangaroos
in the street?
A : Depends how much you've been drinking

Sweden : I want to walk from Perth to
Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?

A : Sure, it's only three thousand miles.
Take lots of water.

USA : Can you give me some information
about hippo racing in Australia?
A : A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped
continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is
that big island in the middle of the Pacific
which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the
hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
Kings Cross. Come naked.

USA : Which direction is north in Australia?
A : Face south and then turn 180 degrees.
Contact us when you get here and we'll
send the rest of the directions.

UK : Can I bring cutlery into Australia?
A : Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

USA : Can you send me the Vienna Boys'
Choir schedule?
A : Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country
bordering Ger-man-y, which is... oh forget it,
Sure, the Vienna boys Choir plays every
Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after
the hippo races. Come naked.

UK : Can I wear high heels in Australia?
A : You are a British politician right?

Germany : Are there supermarkets in Sydney
and is milk available all year round?
A : No, we are peaceful civilization of vegan
hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

USA : Please send a list of all doctors in
Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum.
A : Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is
where YOU come from. All Australian snakes
are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled
and make good pets.

USA : I have a question about a famous
animal in Australia, but I forget its name.
It's kind of a bear and lives in trees.
A : It's called a Gum Drop Bear. They are so
called because they drop out of Gum trees and
eat the brains of anyone walking underneath
them. You can scare them off by spraying
yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

France : Do you have perfume in Australia?
A : No, WE don't stink.

USA : I have developed a new product that
is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me
where I can sell it in Australia?
A : Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

France : Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia?
A : Only at Christmas.

USA : Will I be able to speak English
most places I go?
A : Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

Have a good laugh peeps~ Good night~!