Top 15 Biblical Ways to Get A Wife
* Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours.
-- Deuterononmy (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
* Find a prostitute and marry her. (not advisable, unless God called)
-- Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)
* Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
-- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)
* Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. Note : terms and conditions apply.
-- Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)
* Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.
-- Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)
* Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib.
-- Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)
* Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right dudes~ Fourteen years of sweat and toil for a woman.
-- Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)
* Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative of course.)
-- Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)
* Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.
-- Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)
* When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ...woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me."
-- Samson (Judges 14:1-3)
* Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose four sons though).
-- David (2 Samuel 11)
* Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea, it's the law babeh~).
-- Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)
* Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.
-- Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)
* A wife?...you wish!!!
-- Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)
Cheerios dudes and best of luck getting married! Un Sam!!!
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