WWJD: coming back (the sad story)

I found my bro’s old WWJD wrist-strap or at least I think that’s what it’s called, and other Christian stuff that he threw away as I was sorting out the junk at the storeroom a couple of years back (2 years I think) and kept it in my room drawer. 3 days ago, it juz so happened that I was looking for something and I checked my drawer and found those straps and crosses. Anyway, staring at it really brought back lots of old memories... Horrible memories of my bro's backsliding times, and even worse, my own. Well... I dunno if I should be posting this because I really feel... Actually I dunno what I’m feeling... It’s more or less mixed feelings of guilt, sadness, and above all, fear.

Here's a little history. My bro was youth leader. In my eyes, he was a great youth leader who lived a life that no one could match. Together with him was his 2 other 'brothers', Jason Teoh and Neo Wee Liem. Sounds familiar? Indeed they do. But something caused him to change dramatically. No one would've predicted him to fall. Those who looked up to him, were devastated. I'm one of 'those' people. He changed so much during that period of time. He threw all his Christian shirt, his cross, and other stuffs into a plastic bag and chuck it in the storeroom. One day during a Team Meeting, our Youth Director, Aunty Agnes announced that my bro had stepped down from The Team. She made it clear that my bro had left the Team and was not on sabbatical leave. It stunned most of the people in the room that day. I could remember the vivid picture of it so clearly. Even today, when I chat with Aunty Agnes, sometimes I would tell reminisce to her of how much I missed my bro being in the Team. Aunty Agnes would give her ever cheerful, "What to do?" look and smile. I thank God for placing her in my life - the wisest 'mother' the youth ever have.

You know, there’s actually a lot of pressure being a youth leader. Yeap~ You heard me right. I bet a lot of you people who didn’t know I am a youth leader. Shocking ain’t it. A guy like me - a youth leader. It’s so hard to guide the youth of your church while you yourself struggle with everyday life. Hahaha... Okay, so that’s nothing unusual to me. Struggling is common to me and to every Christian out there. But like everyone else, I have my own skeleton in my closet. I've done things that are so stupid, so shameful that somehow made me lose my way. The worst part was that I went through this while still being a youth leader! C'mon mann, I backslidded while still being a youth leader! Looking back, I could never imagine myself ever doing that but that fact is, I did and that will never change.

My past did happen and I could never ever turn back time to change it. But at least I could look at all the unimaginable things I swore not to do but yet still did it, with guilt and be reminded not to ever fall from the same mistake 3 times. Yeap, I've fallen twice before but I will not fall the 3rd time! By God's grace and mercy that I hold so dearly... By His love, I am protected from my ever haunting past. God loves me and everyone who reads this blog and everyone who blogs. No one escapes from His love! So now, once again, I wear my bro's WWJD strap and cross in remembrance of the past and as a lesson for the future. God bless.



King of Glory enter in...