when a writer puts down its pen..

not giving up?

Dunno why but recently, I've been talking to people about how I'm slowly killing myself with my current lifestyle. Though from my point of view, I'm not even lifting a finger. Physically, I'm not even moving any muscle. But mentally, I'm straining every part of it. How real the truth is, I myself can't tell for sure. I know I'm not making much of a sense to many of you reading this but for what it's worth, this comes from my mind. So throw me a penny 10 cent for my thoughts.

This feeling started out one day as I sat alone in my room. Thinking back about the arguements that I had with my dad since he resigned. Ever since he took a break from working he's more sensitive than his usual self. Every little thing can escalate to an arguement and that sux - big time! But I've gotten quite used to it. After all, I did promise SP I would not fight with him anymore. Instead, I'd juz speak my mind calmly with words of truth and leave the rest to him.

But then one time, he lectured me about the family not being as well-to-do as before. Since my mom is the only one generating cash at this period of time, we are cutting down alot on everything. With that, I've tighten my budget alot and had days when I didn't even eat at all. Call me stupid but I do that sometimes. Hahahahaha... So I told myself that I'm gonna work my butts off to the extend that I don't have to depend on my monthly allowance of RM150 per month. Having already finish my training last Sunday, I'm well and ready to work once again. This Friday, I'll be working from 1 to 5pm, missing my quiz. Thankfully, Ms Tan was kind enough to let me take it another day (a very kind lecturer.. really).

Other startling news was that I might be out of the The Team for being MIA for 3 youth meetings as told to me by my bro. How true it is, I wouldn't know till I go for the next youth meeting this Saturday. What a mess~ Balance between my studies, my work, my youth and my friends. *sigh*

I took a close look at myself in the mirror, noticing those eyes with round dark rings around it. The wrinkles on my forehead didn't help much either. Dilated pupils and dry lips. I look bad.. Real bad. But I guess I always looked like this but juz couldn't notice it. I took out my song book and scribble something in it. Half way through, I suddenly stop for no reason. Stared at what I've written and put down my pen. I closed the book and walked out of the room stopping at the door. Juz before I switch off the lights, I took sometime looking at my room. Reminisce.. The lights went switched off.

Mirror

Everywhere I go
Everything I see
It's just the same old face
The same old story

And who is this person in front of me?
What is this mirror that I see?
Reflection of what I am to be
A sinner who's crying on his knees
I'm begging please take my heart away
Cause all I want to do
Is to be more like You

And every now and then
I look at my life
Failures and past mistakes
Washed away by a painful price

And who is this person in front of me?
What is this mirror that I see?
Reflection of what I am to be
A sinner who's crying on his knees
I'm begging please take my heart away
Cause all I want to do
Is to be more like You

~nd~