supressing the depression

jangan bergerak!! (don't move!!)

Family's going through lots of problem these days. At first it seemed small but like any problem, it can easily escalates to dangerous levels. So some of them are caused by me. Sorry for being perfect ya? Initially it didn't look like much to me. But after pondering about it, it turned out to be pretty huge. Wish I could let it all out in this blog but I guess that isn't a smart thing to do.

The nick WontdieonE sure fits me well. Won't die - juz suffer. Hahahaha~ Lacking the sense of humour. Time's running out for me, I have to make my decision already. Since now that my Labs are officially over, I can request for extra working hours from Starbucks. I really need the money after all. Don't wanna be a burden.

I don't have the luxuries like other people do and I ain't complaining. Not one bit. I accept my life as it is and I don't have time to dream "what if?". Like I always tell people who are feeling down, "In every game, there's a winner and a loser. I guess this time, you're it". And now, I'm "it".

Family is shaking. The pillars are falling. Some people are worried, others have no clue to what I'm talking about but instead blame me. I take the blame with no qualms. I take the fall with no tears. I beat my broken body when it hurts. And I cut the scars that are bleeding. Well.. Not till the cutting extent. I might be crazy but I sure ain't stupid. *smiles*

Speaking of pain, my body aches has increased lately. Especially on my right leg and the top-left of my back. The stinging pain sometimes wake me up in the middle of the night. Yea~ It's THAT bad. Most of the time I'm able to tolerate the pain but these days grimace in pain when it hurts too much, letting out a long sigh after that. I should be thankful that my lower back isn't hurting yet. The pain echoes in my memories as my mind scream in pain. Lucky people~ Humph!_{retained his sense of humour already}

As my last act of self-pity; I wish I have a car. I wish I have a new computer. I wish I have a brother who can read my mind. I wish I can remember. I wish I didn't have to wear glasses. I wish I didn't punched "that" guy. And lastly, I wish my pain will not go away. That I may be reminded of it.