when the bright light shines

It's scary how hypocritical I can be at many a times. Actually it isn't scary - it's sad. Unknowingly I can say many knowledgeable things and give lots of wise remarks but the truth of the matter is that sometimes my words contradict my actions. Funny how people can quickly detect negative elements in other people but are blind to their own. I guess that's nothing new as only other people can see our good and bad. Though true it may be, it still comes back to the decision of our actions, whether we're conscious of it or not. I admit that I can sometimes contradict my words, especially when trying to portray something positive to someone else or when giving advice. Everytime I say those words, my heart felt a jolt of shame. Though at that time it was needed, it shouldn't be an excuse.

It seriously worries me a lot whenever I think of it. Each time I say it, it becomes more and more difficult to pick my words wisely. I guess it can't be helped. Having done many shameful and horrible things in the past, I guess it's a no-brainer that they're always there to persecute me. Well, not really persecute but I look at it more like a reminder. I like to say, "It's okay to make a mistake once. Repeat it the second time and you're stupid. Do it the third time and you might as well go kill yourself." Don't worry. It's juz my saying. Hehe~ Don't take it literally. I won't hold any responsibility should anyone follow it.

I'm a shame of being so stubborn at times when I purposely blind myself to the fact that lay right before me. But condemnation is over because I've got more than that. I have someOne on my back. It is He who broke through with light to fill my dark-empty heart.

the light in darkness