how far is too far

Lets talk about me. Yes, it's my blog so I'll talk about me. What were you expecting huh? Bleh~ You know it is in life that we have different circles of friends that will seldom or almost never meet each other and even if they do meet each other it's only for a short period of time or during a special occasion. It's like this; during a certain episode of our life we have a certain group of friends, and when we move up a level in life we meet new people and developed another new circle of friends and the cycle continues and our circle expands bigger and bigger. Get the picture?

if i were the rain..

As humans we will definitely change as we mature in life. May it be attitude, character, personality, for the good or worse - whatever it is, the change will happen. The thing is, the change comes along with the circle of friends we were with in that time. Can you remember when you were in primary school? Your group of friends and you playing the field. The jokes you made, the games you played and the childish antics you did? Yea? Fast forward a couple of year; secondary school. Grown significantly, reached your puberty (if you didn't then too bad. ahaks~), etc. A different group of friends, slight change in character, you're more matured now. You learn important values that builds and changes your personality. Many situations caused ripples in your lake of life. Opportunity, achievements, and new love. Misfortunes, accidents and break-ups. Change.

*ahem*

Back to me, again. My past is not really known to the group of friends I have now. Why? Because I'm ashamed of it. I really am. I laugh at the changes in my life. Many people see me now as a really sampat care-free dude with a bad mouth and wickedly twisted humour. I've tried my best to throw away that self-absorbed, selfish, impatient, (very) short tempered, violent boy I used to be. I dunno. Maybe it's the age. Maybe I've grown out of it or something but one thing is certain - I did change. A lot too. I look at my old self and I see myself now. Massive change mann. Especially the impatient and short tempered part. Right now, I hate to wait, but sadly, as many people told me before, "you hate to wait but you're sure damn good at waiting!" *proceed laughing their donkeys off*. Not only that, I've learnt to be patient with childish antics from a many set of different people. Note that I only learnt to be patient with childishness, not deal with it. Now that's a problem for me now.

..could i connect with someone's heart..

These days, with the many problems that is in my family, and the stress and pressure from uni life, I'm beginning to lose that patient me. I've began to notice that slight change in me and from the bottom of my heart, I do not want that old self to come back. I've buried it and tried to change for the better as much as I can. And when that short-tempered, impatient me showed itself a little, I'm afraid - honestly, I really am. I've done things that I can't change because of them. Destroyed my reputation (if i had any) too. Worst of the lot, I've hurt many people, physically and emotionally. Hated myself for that and still do.

..as the rain can unite..

Recently I've been finding it hard to control that part of me. I can't seem to hold my temper properly. Childish antics that seemed okay at first are starting to really bug me. But I don't to spoil the things that I'm trying to build but such feelings are threatening it. I dunno what to do, I really don't. How far is too far? What can I say to explain it? My head hurts..

..the eternally separated earth and sky?