Thursday, March 31, 2005

have you had your bucks?

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go go bucks


After working for Starbucks® for over a month now, I'm beginning to see things differently then before I started working here. No~ It isn't because I juz got my salary, which ain't alot. Through the whole months I had some really tough time coping with work and studies but I came through somehow. Had a new supervisor who's a clean-freak - and he's a guy!! Had a so-so barbeque at Klebang Beach. KL partners leaving back - to KL. SP resigning to further her studies. And me having my one month holiday from 17 March till 16 April granted!! Whoohooo~!!

I got my FrappucinnoTM blending sharpened as well as my LarmazoccoTM skills heightened. Brewing coffee will never be the same again to me. Now, if only I had my own high-powered blender I too can make my own ice blended drinks and sell them for a much lowered price than Starbucks. Hahahah~ Joking~ I still want my job after all. Met lots of cool partners with unique personalities. Got to meet many different customers and the best part is to watch them smile as they take their drink.

I like to talk, though mostly crap but still I can make a good conversation at times. Working here gives me lots of opportunity to talk to the customers, from taking their orders, serving their drinks or even while cleaning the tables. A simple, "So how's the drink?" suffices to start a conversation.

Now I bet you guys are thinking, why am I promoting Starbucks again?! Well, I dunno~ I took a rather nice picture of Starbucks' sofa area and wanted to post it. But I dunno what to type so I guess this crap will do.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

the 9/11 pentagon




The 9/11 incident has caused a great deal of trauma to those who were affected by it. It's the spark of the REAL war against terrorism. It shows the human weakness of ignorance and yet it gives hope.

BUT

There are many speculations about the 'plane' that hit Washington's famed Pentagon. The FBI concluded that the Boeing 757 crashing into the Pentagon was an act of terrorism that went hand in hand with the World Trade Center incident. I thought the same - till I surfed the net and found this. You guys make your own conclusion kay? Peace~

Click here

or copy and paste this link

http://www.flashring.com/content/toons/tserious/pentagonstrike.shtml

the one who wipes away your tears

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honestly


I have a weakness. Actually I have many but I narrowed it down to this one. Ahaks~ I can't stand seeing girls cry. Whenever their tears stream down their faces, my heart dissolves, hardens, then breaks. I don't hate them crying, but instead it makes me feel like reaching out my arms and hug them till their tears stop. Sure it sounds really corny and lame. But whatever I write in this blog is true to myself. For one, I have many negative names and callings but in the end, I'm misunderstood. I don't care what they say about me or what they think. All I know is that someone needs me and I'll be there for them.

Tears mean a lot to me. It symbolizes weakness, strength, fear, courage, and hope. Why do you cry? What's the reason and logic behind it? Being sensitive for a meaningless cause? Whatever the reason, I'll be there for them. Because no one was there for me, I will not let you go through what I've been through. I'll be the one who takes away your fears. I'll be the one who wipes away your tears. I promise.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

when the bright light shines

It's scary how hypocritical I can be at many a times. Actually it isn't scary - it's sad. Unknowingly I can say many knowledgeable things and give lots of wise remarks but the truth of the matter is that sometimes my words contradict my actions. Funny how people can quickly detect negative elements in other people but are blind to their own. I guess that's nothing new as only other people can see our good and bad. Though true it may be, it still comes back to the decision of our actions, whether we're conscious of it or not. I admit that I can sometimes contradict my words, especially when trying to portray something positive to someone else or when giving advice. Everytime I say those words, my heart felt a jolt of shame. Though at that time it was needed, it shouldn't be an excuse.

It seriously worries me a lot whenever I think of it. Each time I say it, it becomes more and more difficult to pick my words wisely. I guess it can't be helped. Having done many shameful and horrible things in the past, I guess it's a no-brainer that they're always there to persecute me. Well, not really persecute but I look at it more like a reminder. I like to say, "It's okay to make a mistake once. Repeat it the second time and you're stupid. Do it the third time and you might as well go kill yourself." Don't worry. It's juz my saying. Hehe~ Don't take it literally. I won't hold any responsibility should anyone follow it.

I'm a shame of being so stubborn at times when I purposely blind myself to the fact that lay right before me. But condemnation is over because I've got more than that. I have someOne on my back. It is He who broke through with light to fill my dark-empty heart.

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the light in darkness

Monday, March 28, 2005

the weekend headaches

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Andrew's Angels - lame...


"The emergence of The One caused an imbalance to the core Matrix. The function of the one is to return to the Matrix; thus rebooting the system and by which he must choose 16 individual, 7 males and 9 females to rebuild Zion."

Can't I get any lamer than that old movie?

Oh well~ It has begun, the MMU study week~ Almost zero classes and packed libraries. It doesn't get better than THAT.yeah rite.. Today's combine church was fun. Was supposed to pick Vera up but then she locked herself outside of her room. Yeap, you heard me. The Brazillian girl is home. She's back and kicking - the door I mean. Hahahaha~ Anyways~ Went to City Bayview Hotel and the Eagles were there. No, not the one that sang Hotel California but rather the Singaporean dudes compromising of 2 queers and 2 gals. *sigh*

So when I reached the place I immediately meet Sandra. From the outside of the hall I heard the music that was played. Hmmm~ Pianist for worship leader, quick drum rolls, great acoustics, and jazzy electric riffs. It could only mean one thing, Gateway's worship leading~ Hahahaha~ What a reputation but I should thread carefully. Such pride will bring my downfall. So Sandra, Rebekah and I had a good time worshipping together along side with Ann Na and Esther. From afar we could see the MMU CF members jumping in front. One can easily differentiate the youths from adult. No matter how that sounds, it's true.

Hmm~ Juz fried another mosquito.


Through the whole time I was sitting next to Sandra and Rebekah. Sandra was commenting on the girl's singing and stuff. Can't help but admit it too. Lack of power and ooomph~ But still, she had an "ok" voice. After the service we were crapping with the cf members, introducing Rebekah as my sister. From there somehow the thing stretch till Sandra became my sister, Grace our mother, my bro as our father, Renee as grandma etc etc. Weird family but we ARE a one nonetheless - the CF that is. Sandra and Rebekah followed my family since we were going out after that. Had Wan Tan Mee at the Melaka Baru area. Quite famous during Sundays. Sandra was hungry so she ate quite fast whereas Rebekah didn't eat the Wan Tans. I told her, "What's the point of eating Wan Tan Mee when you don't eat the Wan Tan?". How ironic eh?

The three of us went to pick Vera up from her grandma's place then we headed for MP since we had NO WHERE ELSE TO GO!!! How pathetic is that~ Melaka is seriously getting smaller. *sigh* Vera juz wanted a place to sit and talk and so we headed to only one destination. Yeap~ You guessed right. Starbucks®, the bucks in town. Nice tag-line. I paid for their drinks and now there's a hole in my wallet. Hahahaha~ We sat down on the couch and chatted the whole time. Sandra was tired and so was I, but since Vera and Rebekah was having such a good time, we didn't want to disturb them.

By 4.35pm we were ready to leave, with SP tagging along since she finished her work at 4.30pm. Fetched Vera home first since she was rushing. She needed to be home by 4.45pm. Since we were already late, I had to fly. They made quite a noisy sitting behind. SP who's sitting next to me was juz drinking her coffee calmly while they screamed and screamed. *sigh* Vera reached home earlier than her dad so she's safe - from my car. Then I had to fetch SP back first before I could fetch Sandra because Sandra's going back to EP. SP was asking me if I would like to follow her to her fren's farewell but I had to say no. I was having a bad headache. Even now I'm still having it. It seems it's the same as the other night's.

It hurts...

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tired and weary smiles

Sunday, March 27, 2005

worthless ramblings

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staring into nothing


Felt super emo when I heard this song. Its strange how it can affect your mood - especially when you're in a good one. The song made me think about alot of stuff that's happening in my life or happened in my life. Made me think about my ex-gfs. How I broke their hearts so badly that they cried uncontrolably till I had to leave; screaming in my heart as I rode off. Let me tell you the part of me that I hated.

I met this gal, we chatted, talked, and went to pasar malam together. Was rather cute since we would always meet each other in the pasar malam. Eventually we got together though I felt I was rather childish at that time and that I was in no position, ready for a relationship. Nonetheless I went at it blindly. Eventually, I knew no matter how well we were doing, she was not a Christian and I know what the Bible says about it. Because of that I broke up with her. As tough as it may be, I had to do it. I knew I had to.

After a few weeks, she was admitted to Pantai Hospital because she had some medical problems. I knew about it and gave her a call. Though we broke up, I still had strong feelings for her. So I woke up extra early juz to see her. Actually it was 4.30am, normal is 6am. When I reached, she was already waiting for me. So there I was, in my school uniform, standing in front of the information counter. Asked for directions, took the elevator and went to her room. It was all dark and I couldn't see one thing. Then I heard someone called, "Andrew, is it you?". I walked to her, guided with my handphone's light. She shared the room with another patient so I had to be quiet. She was delighted that I was the 1st person to actually visit her. After talking for a few hours I had to leave for school. After school, I visited her again. This time her sis was there. *gasp* She told me that her sis was serious and scary so I had to put up a show and not let her know that we broke up. Was difficult but the need was there.

After a few months of no contact she called me, and out of the blue she asked me if I was up for eating some pizza. Being a guy, when food's involved I can't turn it downatleast I'm honest!! She had a bunch of her frens there, some I knew some I didn't. After eating, we walked all the way home. Her frens walked a head while we walked side by side. She asked me again, if there was another reason to us breaking up. I knew she wanted us to be together again and I also knew that I couldn't. We talked an talked and she walked away in tears - again. That's the 2nd time I threw my heart out the window. From beginning to the end, it was MY fault.

It was more than 5 months since I broke up. I've totally lost contact with her but all the sudden her classmate who sat next to her called me. I had no idea who she was nor I do I know her connection with my ex. But then she called me and started scolding me, saying things like how could I broke up with her and stuff. Being "bad" that time and having a really short temper I lashed out at her. She asked if I could meet with her at Gula Melaka, a cafe near my ex-school to discuss certain "issues". Being a guy with nothing else better to do, I agreed.

It was right after school and I was in a good mood. So I walked to Gula Melaka. I had no idea how she looked like. The only information I got from her was that she worked there. So I started guessing which one of the workers was her. Before I knew it she stood next to me. With a stern face she said, "You're Andrew right?". Before I could say yes, she started to lecture me again. Scolding and scolding me. Being a guy who can easily control a conversation, I told her my reasoning and after a while she calmed down. She sat infront of me. "Lets start over okay? Hi~ My name's Andrew and you are?". She smirked and almost laugh but she fought hard to keep her straight face.

We talked and talked and talked till it was evening. I found out that my ex had told her to convince me to get back together with her, which made my heart stirred again. A few days later she called me again and asked me if I would meet her to talk about my ex again. Naturally I said ok. He went out and I started to ask more and more about herself. The following day, we did the same thing. And the next day, and the next day. Till one day I found out that I had feelings for her. It was the period of time when I actually back-slidded. So she not being a Christian didn't bother me at all. All I wanted was fun. And so fun I had.

We would walk around everyday and I would stay in her house till it was late in the evening. She was great in almost every sense of it. She doesn't have any bad habits. A good girl with good grades. We were in love and loved each other dearly. Trouble brewed when we were on a date and my ex stumbled upon us. She quickly pulled her hands away hoping that she didn't see it. Me, I did the ONLY thing I could - act dumb. The next day she called telling that she fought with my ex. And once agian I was left guilt riddin. My ex called a gal to convince me to get back together with her but instead the the gal ended up dating me. Funny as it sounds, it was a tough time.

Time passed. I repented and knew what I did was wrong and what I'm doing is still wrong. I got back in touch with God. And once again the condemnation of being unevenly yoke set in. I knew what was right and what I had to do. But this time I was reluctant. I dragged it for weeks and the sword was still in my heart. I love her so much and to leave her was something very difficult for me to do. She loved me more than I loved her. And her hand held mine tighter. But on my SPM trials, the weight was too heavy for me. I went to her house and broke up with her. Tears stream down her face as she screamed in pain. She'll have a migrain whenever she cries. And that made the situation ever more worse. I held her to my chest. "Sorry..." was the only word that I could say. She cried for nearly 30 minutes. She was from a semi-broken home and her family members walked by without even saying anything. She was beautiful. Her tears made my heart broke. I eventually walked away leaving her in the corner of her house crying. I took one last look at her and said good bye.

I sped off, riding as fast as I can, no traffic light could stop me I rode to the place where we had our first date, Dataran Merdeka. Sat on the bridge and memories flooded my mind. Each of them were like knives stabbing my heart. Tears stream down my face. I quickly wipe them off. Holding God close to me as much as can, I moved on. That was the last time I ever see her face to face.

I love her. Or actually I loved her. No.. I still love her. Because love last forever. Juz like how I love my youth, my friends, people like Vera and Sandra. People whom I held close to heart. People who I choose to protect. Then came along SP. She ain't the prettiest nor the smartest. She is stubborn and very arguementative. She's childish and quick to sulk. She was like me - in some sense. We didn't fall in love but in truth, we grew in love. Love at first sight was the dumbest thing we've ever heard of and do not have anything in common except our love for God. We're together for 11 months already and plan to go on as long as God leads. Still, it's still the story of a guy with a cheerful smile but a lonely and empty heart - me.

Boxcar Racer - There Is

This vacation's useless
These white pills aren't kind
I've given a lot of thought on this 13-hour drive
I missed the grinding concrete where we sat past 8 or 9
And slowly finished laughing in the glow of our headlights
I've given a lot of thought to the nights we use to have
The days have come and gone
Our lives when but so fast
I faintly remember breathing on your bedroom floor
Where I laid and told you but you sweared you loved me more

Do you care if i don't know what to say
Will you sleep tonight or will you think of me
Will i shake this off pretend its all okay
That there someone out there who feels just like me
There is

Those notes you wrote me
I've kept them all
I'll give a lot of thought of how to write you back this fall
With every single letter in every single word there
Will be a hidden message about a boy that's loves a girl

Do you care if i don't know what to say
Will you sleep tonight or will you think of me
Will i shake this off pretend its all okay
That there's someone out there who feels just like me
There is

Do you care if i don't know what to say
Will you sleep tonight or will you think of me
Will i shake this off pretend its all okay
That there's someone out there who feels just like me

Do you care if i don't know what to say
Will you sleep tonight or will you think of me
Will i shake this off pretend its all okay
That there's someone out there who feels just like me
There is



ps :- sorry for writing such long nonsense

Saturday, March 26, 2005

out of time

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beat the clock


In Starbucks® Mahkota Parade, every partner will be given a break time equivalent to their working hours. Meaning if you work for 4 hours, you will be given 20 minutes of break. 5 hours, 30 minutes; 6 hours, 40 minutes and so on. And how do we time our break exactly? We're given timers of course! *sigh* You can see most of the partners who are on their break time looking at their timer, speeding up their chewing or whatever because time flies so fast there. It's kinda sad but we get use to it - EVENTUALLY~! Wahkakakaka~!

Yesterday, my back was hurting again - lower right side and all the way down towards my right leg. So the pain was going back and forth from the back to the leg and back. I finish my work at 6.30pm and by then the pain was truly unbearable. I grabbed my helmet, and quickly went to SP's house. She invited me to her church since there was some performance by her youth. Naturally, I agreed. Hee~ But throughout the whole time I was in one heckofa pain. I tried to hide it but SP noticed it easilyhow does she do that?! She told her mom and her mom was scolding me again, asking me to go to MMC or some high class private hospital. She said that at the rate I'm going, I'm almost like an old man with a youth's face. All I could do was laugh.

I like to irritate SP telling her that my time is short, I'm gonna die soon and she would scold me more and stuff. Ahahaha~ But sometimes I can't help but wonder if my time is REALLY running short. Truly, I'm not afraid of death or how I die but the waiting is the killing part.

Thank God for painkillers eh?

Thursday, March 24, 2005

i had wet phones




It was juz like every closing that I do. Starbucks' method is no less different from Kenny Rogers Roasters - lots of cleaning. Last night and to night I was assign to close the BOH which means "Back Of the House". To close the BOH is to clean every single mug, plate, glass etc that the dudes out side throw to me. Meaning, my job will only be done once the outside guys finish theirs. I'm the last of the last! It may sound like a sucky part to close but I don't complain at all.

So there I was moving to and fro from BOH, helping the other partners make drinks for the customers. In the whole process, I try my best to sharpen my skills and pick up new ones. Let me give you the lay out of BOH's washing area. Imagine two basins and on the left basin, facing the wall, there's a small basket with gloves and miscellaneous stuff in it, on the wall that's held by a sucker. Last night, while washing everything, I switched on my mp3 player placed my handphone in the bucket for me to work with a good attitude.

So I was cleaning and washing like what every good partner would do. All of the sudden, the music stopped. Shocked and puzzled, I went to check it out. I was stunned; my handphone was inside the basin that's full of water. I took the phone out and quickly began dismantling it. Took out all the important stuff like the memory card, the sim card, the battery. So right now I'm currently out of my primary usage for my handphone. I can't do anything at all! I can't even sms for crying out loud. This sux mann~

So if there's anyone out there who have the special abnormal ability to fix phones, please do help~ Thanx~!! Damn the wet phone!

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

a different point of view

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look in the mirror of the person next to you


I'm a stubborn guy. I'm not ashamed of my character but hey, at least I'm honest enough not to lie to myself. Ahaks~ These days, I'm beginning to see dead people things in very awkward and distinctive manners. I guess I've been opening myself up alot and been trying to change my old ways. But as much as I try, I can still be real stubborn especially when I think I'm right. Notice I said think. I realize the importance of shutting up and listening to people instead of being the person trying to get attention like some pathetic guy.

Alas, no one's perfect. There are others who are completely blind to their own ego and pride that they're totally lost in their own world. Being all knowledgeable and intelligent, they strife for the attention that they "deserve". Nonetheless, once their pride is broken, they're as good as gone. These people depend on their pride so much that they feed it every time they get into an argument or squabble. Ego is dangerous as it is deadly.

One can't see their own character but others can. This common fact is known to many. Who know's us best? The people around us. They are the ones who live with us, eat with us, study with us, etc. They see through us and they know our character the best. So when someone tells me I'm a butt head, I don't deny it. Hahaha~ It's true. Still, people only wanna hear good news and lies but we discard the fact and be deaf to the truth. Sad indeed we human beings are.








ps :- Happy Belated Birthday Ms Tan!!


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my hairstyle sux~!

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

when you're surrounded by frickin' idiots!

Crap to my insolent group-mates who can't even do a simple task. Bunch of shit heads who only know how to raise my blood pressure. Can't I take a simple break?! I've done 50% of the whole project and you 3 guys were supposed to do the other 50%! That means that 1 guy will only do 16.7% and you still can't do it? What the hell were you doing?! You didn't even tell me anything except that I need not worry about the 3 of you. Need not worry my ass! You pissed me off badly and it took me a damn hard time to keep my cool till I manage to reach my room.

I swear if you were in my room that time, you will NOT step out without broken bones. I've done it before and I'll do so again should I lose control. Because of you 3 shit heads I won't be sleeping at all as I have to finish a months work of project in one night. I'm doing closing tomorrow night and I have class the whole day. To hell with you guys~! The marks will only be given to me. The 3 of you are out!

You may call and plead with me but you're lucky it was only screwing you tru the phone. I have no idea how you're gonna face me tomorrow. Beg all you want - I'm on my own. And I wonder why I kept stand on principle of giving a person at least one chance. For you - NEVER again! Bloody shit heads~ Made me lose my cool.. *sigh*

Thank God for friends. Phil, Yap, Gan. If you guys didn't give me a hand I would be dead already. Thanx dudes~! Especially you Philip-sama.

Monday, March 21, 2005

juz hanging around

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hanging on a sucker


Ahhh yes~ The wonderful feeling of ignorance - bliss. My project is done; whether it's right or wrong, in the end it's still done. Wahahahaah~ So what happens now? What am I gonna do? What do I PLAN to do. eeek~ PLAN is such a "huge" word. Ahah~ Oh well~ Let me tell you what I did today. After church, went to Sentral to grab some A & W with the family. Went home and immediately continued on my project. Well, it's not mine exactly but that's besides the point. By 7pm I was done. After that, I spent the whole time reading Bleach manga from chapter 1 to chapter 168. I can't seem to download chapter 169 and 170. *sigh*

In other news, SP juz told me she gave her resignation letter. For what reasons, I'll soon find out when I meet her. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to find the time to do so. She's doing morning. Hmmm~ Anyways~ I spent the whole Saturday night/morning arranging and uploading pictures into my phone. For some reason, I'm getting slightly more interested in my phone. As I took my time going through each folder, my heart let out a sigh. Missed those times. Those were great memories.

Note-to-self : Need to take a picture of me getting an accident.

Oh yea~ About my PLANstill so huge..., I'm.... gonna study larr!! What else is there to do?? Finals are in 2 weeks time mann~ I feel like someone's constantly pointing a knife at my neck. Nutz~! Studying's gonna be challenging task for a useless guy like me. Wakakakaa~

Speaking of studies, I'm still uncertain where SP wanna study. She told me that she's gonna study nursing in Singapore but she's waiting for her older sis to return from there. After that she bugs me for MMU application form. Whatever she chooses, I'll support her. But I don't want her choice to be influenced by me. In the same time, I don't want her to regret her choice. It's all up to her. *stares*

Blah~ It's been awhile but I suddenly remembered an old song that held a special meaning to my bro and I. So if you guys are too free, go download this song or something.


Goo Goo Dolls
~iris~


And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't wanna go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
But sooner or later it's over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am


And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you plead just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am



Peace out dudes~ God bless~

Sunday, March 20, 2005

the weird feeling

Yea~ You heard me. I'm talking about 'that' feeling. You know it when you sit in front of your PC after a long tiring day, staring at the PC, you forgot the reason you switched the machine on. You zone in and out of reality so easily that you find yourself caught in between. But you don't get sick in your stomach nor does your head spin - all you feel is .:blank:.

You start to ponder about many things. And most of the time, instead of answering it, another question pops up and it becomes a vicious cycle with no escape aka Deadlock. It started with;

What in the world happen since you got up in the afternoon?

Why did you went for that semi-boring barbeque?

How's CP doing? Did she manage to find her wallet?

I hope she didn't cry~ I can't stand girls crying. Makes me wanna search for her wallet to the ends of the earth.

Did SP manage to get some rest after work?

Why is brother outside the house?

What time is work? In fact, what time is it now?

Why does my eyes feel heavy? Why does my back hurt again?

Where's that darn rechargeable batts?

Will I make it in time to help Vinci do her project?

Where are all the partners (Starbucks' term for workers)?

Why am I the only chinese dude there - again?! W

hy am I so nice to people?

Why does my drink taste weird? What did I put inside it?

Why does Bob smile like that? Why didn't I put more mp3s into my phone?

How can Sandra go watch movie without me?! When was the last time I watch a movie in cinema?

Wait, isn't that guy Sandra's with was the one CP took to CF? What's his name again...?

Is Wan Jun and Chua still at Starbucks?

How much time do I have left till my break ends?

Where's Chua's bf? Where's Stephanie??? How is she doing?

What time will I finish my work? Why do I ride so fast?

Why isn't the house light on? Why does my tyre smell burnt?

Why am I sitting on my bed doing nothing?

Why am I going online?

WHY AM I TYPING THIS CRAP?!!

Catch the idea? Thinking too much already. Darn it!

Thursday, March 17, 2005

i wonder...




Since when am I so stressed out like this?? I mean, seriously - I'm supposed to be the cool-like-i-care type. Or atleast that's what people tell me. I was so lost earlier this evening that I didn't know I had to work tomorrow morning till SP told me about it. The bad thing is that tomorrow morning is my ever-so-important Data Communication presentation. I immediately called Starbucks and told my managers that I can't work that morning. SP replied with an sms that slightly ticked me off. Can't blame her though. She doesn't know what I'm going through.

She called later telling me that my mangager, Po Po, changed my shift to night shift instead of morning. SP apologized to me and it made me feel like a shit-head. *sigh* Tension!!!

Monday, March 14, 2005

supressing the depression

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jangan bergerak!! (don't move!!)


Family's going through lots of problem these days. At first it seemed small but like any problem, it can easily escalates to dangerous levels. So some of them are caused by me. Sorry for being perfect ya? Initially it didn't look like much to me. But after pondering about it, it turned out to be pretty huge. Wish I could let it all out in this blog but I guess that isn't a smart thing to do.

The nick WontdieonE sure fits me well. Won't die - juz suffer. Hahahaha~ Lacking the sense of humour. Time's running out for me, I have to make my decision already. Since now that my Labs are officially over, I can request for extra working hours from Starbucks. I really need the money after all. Don't wanna be a burden.

I don't have the luxuries like other people do and I ain't complaining. Not one bit. I accept my life as it is and I don't have time to dream "what if?". Like I always tell people who are feeling down, "In every game, there's a winner and a loser. I guess this time, you're it". And now, I'm "it".

Family is shaking. The pillars are falling. Some people are worried, others have no clue to what I'm talking about but instead blame me. I take the blame with no qualms. I take the fall with no tears. I beat my broken body when it hurts. And I cut the scars that are bleeding. Well.. Not till the cutting extent. I might be crazy but I sure ain't stupid. *smiles*

Speaking of pain, my body aches has increased lately. Especially on my right leg and the top-left of my back. The stinging pain sometimes wake me up in the middle of the night. Yea~ It's THAT bad. Most of the time I'm able to tolerate the pain but these days grimace in pain when it hurts too much, letting out a long sigh after that. I should be thankful that my lower back isn't hurting yet. The pain echoes in my memories as my mind scream in pain. Lucky people~ Humph!retained his sense of humour already

As my last act of self-pity; I wish I have a car. I wish I have a new computer. I wish I have a brother who can read my mind. I wish I can remember. I wish I didn't have to wear glasses. I wish I didn't punched "that" guy. And lastly, I wish my pain will not go away. That I may be reminded of it.

Friday, March 11, 2005

good week? bad day~

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when OS labs becomes THIS boring


Yesterday my Operating System (also called Oh Ass) test truely sux - big time! I expected it to be hard but I didn't expect it to have THAT many questions regarding things that I can't remember. I mean, what kind of lecturer gives questions that his/her students doesn't know about?ignore that statement

Ok. So I haven't REALLY study for my test... OK! OK! I didn't study at all! Are you happy now?! . . . . . . . . . *ahem* But does studying 2 hours before the test starts count?no.. -.-" It's a wonder if I could pass this paper THIS time. Speaking of passing exams, SP's results are out and......... *suspense* She didn't fail! Whoohoo~!!lame... [L] Oh well~ It's not like I'm gonna publish it out here anyway~it's not like anybody wants to read it too.. Her mom went to take the results for her. I was actually supposed to follow but I knew I couldn't make it in time.

Aside from that, my "inner voice",that's me~ ^^ has been really annoying of late. He's been cutting my dialoglike now and worst of all - he kills all my punch-lines!! I bet that dude from A Beautiful Mind had it easier than this. *sigh*

So it's been a rather "good week" but yesterday was hellofva bad day. Hopefully today's Program Design will boost up my morale. Recently, I finished my PD project that requires me to compile 5 programs. Some of them were tricky, others took longer time because I was blind and the last one was fun because I got to add lots of crap inside it. Wahahahaaha~ I printed out the hardcopy today and will pass my friends the softcopy AFTER I pass both hardcopy and softcopy up to Miss Shyamala, my PD lecturer.she's so sweet..

I woke up this morning feeling quite ok, considering I slept at 5am last night. The afternoon nap helps alot. Hehe~ Initially I wanted to go to High School to check out the CF but my class ended earlier at 10.20am instead of the usual 11am. Seeing that school will dismiss at 12pm today and I have to wait for 2 hours, I lost my strength and went home. Ate some left-over pizzas and continued on the hardcopy for my PD project.

Right now, I'm juz lazing around, downloading flash games from Miniclips, waiting for time to pass so that I can get over with my test tonight. The game that caught me fascinated with the whole site is Heli Attack 2. It's interesting how they can come out with games like this. *in awe..* baka..

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

busy busy busy

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*gasp!* it's the car that killed JFK


True talent is shown when you do last minute jobs. Why? It's because in the midst of rushing to get everything done, the true quality of our work is shown. How well can we make good quality work in a rushing atmosphere? In the 11th hour? Last minute? You'll get the picture~

I was told earlier on Monday morning that I have to finish making the front page of my Internet and Web Publishing project on that day itself because the due date for it is tomorrow! So I got home early, took a bath, and did the most important thing - I slept till it was 7.30pm. In time to eat my dinner~ Wahahahaha~ I guess the fame of "WontdieonE" is really outstanding.

Anyways, so after eating some good ol' Chi Kut Teh (which translate as Chicken Bone Tea or something like that larr~), I took another shower juz to kick-start myself again and I was up and running~ It's amazing what showers can do. Ahhhh~

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Huh? Oh? Sorry~ I was dreaming again. Ahaks~ So I continued my all-so-important mission. My title is online guitar shoppe' and I went to Gibson Guitars website for inspiration. The level of html coding is vast different mann! I took what I could use and managed to finish off mine and sent it to my friend for "processing". My work didn't end there; I promised a friend that I would help her do her's. Her title is online cinema and that title is rather difficult and tricky. The first thing that came into my mind was to check out Golden Screens Cinema. Tried to steal their source code but I knew I couldn't. Instead, I took some of their pictures, and made my own site all together. Took a while but I did it in the end and sent everything to her.

Busy night mann~ The best part is that I still have time to pen something down on this blog that I've neglected for a few days. *frown* But alas, I'm faithful to everything that I'm faithful to. Make sense? I hope so~ Wahaahhaahah~

Friday, March 04, 2005

need legs?


heavy things...


Math Tech 2 sucked last night. No kidding. My only hope I have is juz to pass this dumb test and use my Program Design to pull my cgpa back up. I have been leaning on my Program Design a lot these days. I guess I find it fun to write programs - even the simple ones. But still, I know getting high scores for PD isn't really gonna entirely help my cgpa. I need support from the other subjects too. But the others aren't doing so well either too. Hahahahha~

Tonight's a rather quiet night. The only person I'm chatting with is The Konn Mann : Aaron Wee(D). Everyone else seems to be busy (vinci) or juz asleep (everyone else). He gave me an interesting offer: 10 mosquitos, 1 ringgit. He wants the mosquitos to feed his fighting fish. Hahaha~ He's always full of weird/funny ideas. Sometimes he reminds me of Phoebe from Friends. But he's a good friend nevertheless.

My head's pounding so hard it feels like it's gonna blow. Been having these headaches lately and it gets more and more frequent. Maybe my time IS running out. Wahahahaaha~ Too bad no one's gonna miss me. But I guess I have support from my family. Thank God for that. They're the only ones who can hold me if I fell. Speaking of family, I suddenly have this weird flashback of my bro. Me? Miss him? Weird... Ahaks~

I am, but one of the legs of a chair, keeping it upright. Around me are my brothers and sisters. Together we mantain the balance. Without any of us, the chair will fall. Like duh?! There I go talking something that means something to you but crap to me. Hahahahaha~

head hurts...

from up here the city lights burns
like a thousands miles of fire...
~story of the year~

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

No. 38 : Maximum Sampatness



Monday has never been as sampat as this before. Tired faces but crazy laughters fueled by dumb jokes and lame stories. Nutz... Started off like the usual Monday; everyone came in dragging their feet and nodding their head with black ring around their eyes - the usual. And somehow, my hands were extra itchy as I kept on taking candid shots of my course-mates and even lecturers. The others were sporting and played along as we all had one goal in mind - Maximum Sampatness. Hahhahahaha~



Somehow, tru the tiredness, they found a source of strength and laughter by fooling around and I'm glad to be the one that sparked that source. It's like turning the gas on for 20 minutes and then taking out a lighter and burn the whole place up. You get the picture.



I especially like to see those faces grinning even with dark rings around their eyes. It's like they enjoy getting sucker-punched in the eye. Weird fetish.. That's juz not right mann.. Anyway~ Hope you guys have a fun great sampat week even though it's test season now. Don't let the tension rise to high!

contemplate


phillip tori chan - contemplator


These days have been really draggy for me. Just as I've said in my previous post that's full of my pathetic self-pity. Hahaha~ My mind has become zombie-like and I've been walking around with blurry eyes. The good thing about it is that some gals find it cute. Ahaks~

"an idle mind is a devil's workshop" - some smart dude


I can't really say my mind has been idle often. Actually, my mind has been buzzing around with thoughts about life decisions, past mistakes, and above all; my future. As profound as it sounds, it's actually quite funny. Why? Because in the midst of all the commotion, my studies and assignments are chucked one side and collecting dust. It's only when I do some mind spring cleaning that I discover the pile of junk in the corner of my mind. Hmmm...

Anyway. Most of the time I was contemplating on what subject I should major in once I finish my diploma. From the beginning, I knew I wasn't smart enough to get into Alpha. *sigh* I've already gotten used to people looking at me with a weird face going, "Oh...? Diploma? Um.. I see..". Unintentional as it sounds, sometimes it still hits the spot tru the thick skin of mine.

I wonder if people contemplate often about things. You know, think hard and ponder and ponder. Should I do this? Should I do that? What if? Why now? It's not fair! Why me? One of the interesting things about watching people contemplate, is their faces. Whether it be smiles of hope, cries of despair or even laughter of joy. By looking at their facial expression, you can roughly guess what's going tru that mind of theirs and couldn't help but sometimes smile/laugh/cry with them.

My personal favourite are the smiles of hope. Why? Simply because there's hope~

fields of hope ~ lacus clyne
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