Thursday, June 30, 2005

when it gets neck breaking

Something's wrong with me. At first I thought it was because of the way I sit when I'm on the computer. But it happened again and I haven't touched my computer for more than 3 days. It could be the way I sleep. But I've always slept that way - lean on a side, slightly curled. I don't know how I got this problem but when I think back, it has always been there.

The back-ache and neck-break strikes again.

Yeah~ It's the back-ache season again and this time it brought more friends along for the party. The stiff neck thingy is new though. It's like I'm sitting in lecture and then POW, my neck snaps into super seed stiff mode. It hurts so bad that I can't really turn a lot to the left or right. The only grace I have is that it doesn't hurt as dire as my back. But with such a combo I'm facing, I dunno how am I even able to walk properly.


I guess it pays to be a 40 year old guy. *smiles* Makes me remember my secondary school life where I would run around beating up other kids, extorting them, sending their REAL report cards to their parents, visit their house during Chinese New Year and the worst of all, show their gf their baby picture. Imagine - bunny suit, playboy style. Hahahahaa~ Juz kidding. But indeed I was more active then than now. Ahhh~ Those were the days.

Now I have a new target. I've set my mind to it and I intend to follow through it. It will be hard - really hard, but set my mind is. Let's just hope I won't screw it up anytime soon. Peace out!

beam me up Scotty.. Scotty? You there?!! The monster is com- *silence*

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

lonely.. im so lonely.. lalala

My graphic card's busted. My PC's sitting on the floor collecting dust. My life-cycle is, well, spinning so quickly it creates a nauseating layer of uncertainty in the back of my mind. I guess it has always been like that for quite some time now. I realize that I've even neglected poor Aaron WeeD who's been in need of gay company. Sorry dude~ Really am.

I'm feeling weird. I guess I've always been feeling weird since I broke up with SouthPark. The guilt still haunts me and it always will. I've been trying to move on, I really am. At times I sub-conciously almost rode my bike to her house when I took the Bukit Baru road to town. Scary huh?

The other scary part is that, when I THINK I've moved on, I'm really afraid of going through it again. You know, relationship and stuff. Yes, I do miss the feeling of it. Yes, I do want to be loved. But will it last? Are we compatible? I asked myself these questions over and over again. So much doubt in my mind but yet I can't shake this feeling off. It's so weird. When I was with SouthPark, she was the Sun and I was Pluto. Between us was all our friends and family. We made sure nobody got left behind - except me. I've constantly felt the pressure in my chest that makes it so hard to breathe and I wonder why.

Why am I always to suffer in a relationship? Is it just me?
*sigh* The story of a lonely guy.

pass in time

here i am in my car
in front of your house
i missed the times we had
talking for hours

why did i leave is the question that i still find
can't let it go as it all pass in time
pass in time

i am left here to die
and i'm all covered with lies
if time be so kind
the story of a lonely guy

will i ever find
a little peace in my mind
will i ever forget
as it all pass in time

i am left here to die
and i'm all covered with lies
if time be so kind
the story of a lonely guy

will i ever find
a little peace in my mind
will i ever forget
as it all pass in time


Tuesday, June 28, 2005

too many a blogthings

You Are 40 Years Old


Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

You are dependable, popular, and observant.
Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness.
In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do.

You are unique, creative, and expressive.
You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while.
And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

You Are A Good Friend

You're always willing to listen

Or lend a shoulder to cry on

You're there through thick and thin

Many people consider you their "best friend"!

You Are a Dare Devil

For you, life is one big dare.

And you're all in for any adventure.

Others find you exciting, inspiring, and a bit intimidating.

You're biggest challenge at this point is trying to top yourself!

You Should Try Heli Skiing

Untouched powder, challenging runs...
Perfect for seasoned ski bums!

You Are Scary


You even scare scary people sometimes!

the sad world of agp

It's officially dead. I'm talking about my ATI Radeon 9800pro 128MB graphic card. After having numerous signs of over-heating, it came to the point where I couldn't take its ugliness and had it replaced (it has 1 year warranty). Yea~ It's been here for only half a year and for it to over-heat in that short period of time could only mean one thing - DAMN I'M GOOD!! Ahaks~ Juz kidding. But I do believe the problem isn't over heating. Since I've opened up the side of my pc tower, had a custom-made fan to, well, fan the card, not to mention having the air-cond blowing at 16C and yet still having those darn red, blue checkerboard-like stripes appearing on my beautiful monitor? Definitely NOT an over-heating problem. *snarls* Moving on.

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see the fan? the fan? oooo..

So I can't run the com without a graphic card right? Okay maybe I can't but I'm not to looking at dumb huge icons and letters that makes it look like I'm half-blind (though i am half blind - irony). Solution (which would eventually lead to another problem); use the old GeForce FX5700P (P for P@#$%!@#&) that crashes so often it makes you wanna go down to MMC and pick up a new graphic card. Hey~ That's what my bro did. Neways, I downloaded the latest nVIDIA display driver, 77.72 I think and there were some minor bugs that I easily fix. Only problem is that I still can run San Andreas without having it crash after 5 to 10 seconds in the game. *sob* Just when I downloaded a few mods for it, I can't play it. I need a hug.

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the two bozos

On other news, there's a new addition to the Liu Family's House Of Weird Animals (HOWA). My dad got himself a cute young little corn snake. It's small and the brownish body pattern looks cool. Its name; Tribulation. With this addition, the Liu family fully welcomes the two snakes, Trial and Tribulation. That would explain the problems with my graphic card. *sigh*

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it swallows arse first - i see a bleak future

Monday, June 27, 2005

Sunday, June 26, 2005

lucius : hey! you coming or not?!

I had totally forgotten about today's MMUCF Malacca Tour!! I was comfortably sleeping after going to bed at 6.30am (San Andreas rocks!) when all the sudden I received a phone call from Lucius. It was THEN that I remembered about the tour. We were supposed to meet at EP at 9.30am (i think) but by the time he called, it was already 10.30am. Aiks~ The punch-line was that the previous night, I told my dad I won't be joining him for breakfast as I was gonna sleep through till afternoon. Hahahaha~ Washed up and everything. Dad was kind enough to give me a lift to Hutan Rekreasi and before I know it, I was there in time. Jialat~

After playing games there we did what all MMUCF members could do best - eat. Our target: Malacca-Super-Famous Chicken Rice Ball!! The sound of it would make anyone drool enough saliva to flood the reserved forest. Hehe~ Thankfully, the only people who are capable of eating a lot was Zhen Xin, Deric, Alex and me. The rest were girls whose stomach could only fill a quarter of ours. When the rice balls landed on the table, it took us less than 20 minutes to finish the whole thing. Since it wasn't enough, we ordered extra rice balls and a asam fish head curry. Hey~ We're still growing okay? Ahaks~

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hippy deric

Up next was, ofcourse, Malacca-Super-Famous Cendol!! On my table this time was Bro, Kok Wei, Julian, CP, Tracy, Lilo, and me. Lilo happened to be a Laosian (she's from Laos laa) and she definitely has one heckuva huge stomach for cendol. She finished her bowl clean while the guys still had half or a quarter left. She's fast! *respek!* However, the guys had more of taste as we were able to get extra Gula Melaka aka Malacca Brown Sugar for our cendol. Whoohoooo!! *hyper*

In the evening we went to the beach to enjoy some good ol' fresh breeze from the sea. Refreshing indeed. I wasn't too keen on running around so I just sat there and took time to ponder.. ponder.. ponder.. ponder.. Makan time was up next and our dinner target: Malacca-Super-Famous Roti John!! I know this is getting annoyingly lame but please do bear with me.

Evening came fast and soon it was pretty dark. Time for some hankypanky night safari! *smiles* It's been a very super long time since the last time I came to the Malacca Zoo. Brought back many fond memories but it sure looks different from the day time, from my perspective atleast. Tried to find the Madagascar team but the hippo was missing. Awww~ Went home happy and somewhat satisfied with the day. Thanks for everything. I enjoyed your company.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

im hot

Well, not really me but my graphic card. An ATI Radeon 9800pro 128MB - over heating. Yeap~ You heard me right. It's over heating dammit! Or at least I think it is. Does a checkerboard shaped or strips of red line count as signs of over heating? It better be. I don't blame the game. I've never heard of a new graphic card that's less than a year old having over heating problems and it's driving me nuts. It's not like I play computer games the whole day or stare lifelessly at lifeless things right? Hehe~ Either way. I'm gonna run a few test to determine if it's really the graphic card's problem or the game's problem. Oh yea~ It's GTA : San Andreas that's causing these irritating predicament.

The game doesn't lag at all but all of the sudden, these red stripes or checkerboard shape stripes will appear all over the screen and even when I quit, it'll remain on screen till I restart. Good news is that as long as I didn't touch the San Andreas, I won't be playing checker. Wait, that's not a good news! *sigh* Stef would be laughing at me, pushing me to play the game on her PS2. Evil Sith. *stares*

I wonder if it's coincidence or it's just all the sudden my lecturers love to have their lab/tut sessions on Tuesday and Thursday night. Seriously. Initially D it was only Tuesday night. Since I wouldn't trade CF/CG for any lecture/lab/tut I had to drop and add a few subjects, visited the lecturers asking if I could attend another tutorial session etc. Then all of the sudden, another lovely lecturer felt the need to place her lab session on Thursday night instead, instantly clashing with my dearest CG. Had to change a lot of stuffs again. *sigh* It never ends.

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to keep or not to keep the distance

Recently my judgment and actions were rather clouded. In my mind I know I'm not ready for a relationship. Well, atleast not now since I still keep SP's break-up-picture-album hidden somewhere in my room. Trying to get over her is no simple feat; not when the future was ours and opportunities were abundant. But I guess life must go on. I recently found out that I was able to push it all aside. I had a sense of peace in the midst of the chaos in my heart. In my heart, I long for more of that peace. Clouded.. I can't afford to be lost and confused now. Not when *** has made *** stand. I won't pursue it any further.. would I?

pain can be a powerful teacher
scars can be drastic reminders
but love can change everything

Friday, June 24, 2005

tension!! tension!!

Running around the field eating a banana.
Doing push-ups with a durian on my head.

These are from a book called Disorder in the
Courts of America, and are things people actually
said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had the torment
of staying calm while these exchanges were
actually taking place.


ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a
person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about
it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was

WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby)
was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have
you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined
the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering
why I was doing an autopsy on him!

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?


ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the
autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient
was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk
in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been
alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have
been alive and practicing law.

Thursday, June 23, 2005


What the hell is wrong with me?!! DAMMIT!! What did I say?!! What did I do?!! Why is my bloody blood pressure so damn high?!! Why does everything I touch screws up?!! Why do I care so much for other?!! Why do I suffer for them?!! Why do I keep trying when I keep failing?!! Why do I keep failing?!! Why does my head hurts?!! Why does my back ache?!! Why is there such pain in my legs?!! Why is my body bruised?!! Why is my heart broken?!! I HATE MYSELF DAMMIT!!

..hope dangles on a string..

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

silence in the midst of noise

Yesterday was a seriously weird day. Why weird and how weird? I guess I myself would never know. One thing's for sure, by night, it was already weird altogether. Don't get me wrong, I believe yesterday's CF was great. In fact, I believe every single CF is great. Ahaks~ It's just.. yesterday wasn't great.. i think.

I've been pissing people off lately. I don't know if it's my character getting out of hand again or they had enough of my antics. Still, I did ticked them off and I feel bad about it. "Andrew Liu has feelings? Hahaahahahahaa~". Sure sure, laugh all you want, but it's true nontheless. Saying sorry couldn't fix it and it makes me feel terrible and weird.

As the praise and worship was going on, I couldn't take it much longer. I got up and stood at the back and for a split second there was silence. I could see Sam singing his heart out, Joel banging on the drums and Julian bassing away but the silence remains. I couldn't even hear the words that I sang - total silence.

Earlier before the semester started, I told myself I would make this sem something better than the last, but now I'm here to say - this sem is gonna suck. *sigh*

I hate myself

Monday, June 20, 2005

happy father's day.. happy.. sigh

"It seems every time we meet, I have nothing but bad news to bring you. I'm truly sorry Neo.." - The Oracle

I felt that way after reading a few of my previous posts. It seems that no matter how witty I try to be, I end up writing about something bad, something negative. That sucks. What's weirder is the song Kau Ilhamku by Manbai playing on the mp3 player was supposed to give me some inspiration to write. The irony...

"Thousands of stars in the sky now disappear - I'm in the dark.."
- Manbai

Yay~ So church was fun today.. I guess. Bro ffk Sandra and thus, she didn't come church. Happy Happy Father's Day? Okay larr~ So much for having Father's Day lunch at Family Heritage. Yes, the one in Bear Hill. Seems my family is really running out of nice places to eat. *sigh* For dinner? KRR chicken, durian and watermelon. Yum yum? End up having an arguement with my parents which eventually ended with them saying sorry to me and how much they love me. Weird..

old school stuff

I'm called many things.. many weird things especially but the tag "Underdog" is a new one to me. I mean like, I've always considered myself to be someone above average *smiles*. No major struggles in anything nor anything that would link me to underdogness. But after hearing his views on me, I can't help but to doubt myself. "Noooooo..!! Must.. resist.. dumb mind-tricks.." It would be fun if I said it then but I guess it would kill off the needed serious atmosphere that surrounded us that time, not to mention anger and slight hatred. It's like The Grudge in reality. Cool huh?

For a moment in my life, I felt that living was crap. The cable was unplugged - no reception, no signal, nothing. Couldn't wait till I get home to pass the time in my room alone. Ahhh~ Miss those days when I still felt alive.


Friday, June 17, 2005

the day of the first cg

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where the clouds are over me

The day started out rather early. Well, 9am IS early for me. Sleeping at 6am the previous day really takes its toll. What's up with all the technical stuff about the human body needing a minimum 8 hours of sleep for it to function at its fullest, normal capacity? Look at me. I'm functioning just fine.. just fine.. just fi- I'm sorry, was I repeating myself again?

So waking up was a tedious process. Many people with many other stories can relate to that so I won't bother writing up about waking up on such unfathomable hour. Just as I got my lazy arse off the bed, dad came in and said bro has already arrived. To spice things up, Girl X-GG decided to tag along too. Don't get me wrong, I do like her company but that stiff neck I have has made me a little... stiff. Bathed, brushed my teeth, yada yada yada and was set and ready to grab some breakfast. We ate at our regular morning Wan Tan Mee coffee shop just behind the family store (small caps coz they sux).

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Girl X-GG... who IS she?

Fast-forward to later that day. Watched Batman Begins with Bro, Girl X-GG, and CP. Pretty cool version of Batman. My say? It's definitely better than that crappy X-Man movie. This Batman knows how to growl, kicks serious arse and the best of all - he drives a tank. Hey~ Which guy doesn't like a tank? I'm not talking to you, nerd! Hahahahahaahah~ Movie was cool but that stiff neck thingy was really bothering me. Thankfully, earlier that day Girl X-GG was kind enough to give me a simple massage. Asking how I got it I told her, "I took a viagra and it got stuck in my throat". *smiles to Austin Powers*

After the show was over Bro was kind enough to drive us to our CG and after that, he disappeared with Girl X-GG to whoknowswhere. *smirks* I'm in the same CG with CP, so it looks like I still have loads of chances to pollute her guai guai mind after all. *evil laugh* Was told that initially I was in Renee's group but it seems that George is in the same CG too. George = bad. George + Me = Worse. So I was traded with Richard to Joel's CG instead and that's how my butt is stuck here.

We met at Family Heritage and it seems that there were 2 other CGs eating there too. Bukit Beruang really needs more quality restaurant for people like us to makan in. Though Joel is our CG leader, I, Andrew Liu alongside with Thin Man Justin Lee, Evil Sith Lord Momma Stef and her apprentice, Shih Wern (both coincidently are Secretary and Ass Sec) will inevitably spread our influence to the minds of the gullible and naive Alphas - they are our prey. Muahahahaa~ After makan session we went over to the Dahlia house to play some kick arse PS2 (thanx to stef). The punch-line is that we are still a nameless CG. So much for our evil plan huh?

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sorry. i almost passed out taking her pic

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sith apprentice shih wern

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unknown girl CP aka Sippy

Thursday, June 16, 2005

have a chill pill

Why Men Are Happier Than Women

1. We keep our last name.
2. The garage is all ours.
3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
4. Chocolate is just another snack.
5. We can be president.
6. We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
7. Car mechanics tell us the truth.
8. The world is our urinal.
9. We never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
10. Same work, more pay.
11. Wrinkles add character.
12. Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
13. People never stare at our chest when we're talking to them.
14. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
15. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet.
16. One mood, ALL the time.
17. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
18. We know stuff about tanks.
19. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
20. We can open all our own jars.
21. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
22. If someone forgets to invite us, he or she can still be our friend.
23. Our underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
24. Everything on our face stays its original color.
25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
26. We don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
27. We almost never have strap problems in public
28. We are unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.
29. The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades.
30. We don't have to shave below our neck.
31. Our belly usually hides our big hips.
32. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
33. We can "do" our nails with a pocket-knife.
34. We have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
35. We can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes.

Funny Questions

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around
several times, does he become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why
aren't people from Holland called Holes?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies
with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered
what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would
be if it didn't zigzag?

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast.
The mime next door went nuts.

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

Do people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little
bottles of Evian water know that spelling it backwards
is Naive?

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...Does
that mean the fifth one enjoys it?

wake up and smell the- hey! who farted?!

The first CF of the new semester:- Gotta love the look of freshies amazed at our super-coolness. As they penetrated the hall (sounds wrong man...) full of seniors, the Alphas aka Younglings can be found looking around for familiar faces which are mostly the exciting and cool *ahem* seniors - us. I pays to be a cool senior you know.
Mutu Gaya Keunggullan

The meeting started off with some awesome, deafening, rawking, praise and worship session led by Jason Teoh and his band. Some of the Alphas were in shocked and some others - deaf (see deafening on top). Followed by some Madagascar-inspired ice-breaker/games by the Tam Tam Twins (they never bother update their blog.. sigh) and speech by the new (he's old) CF president, Deric.

Here comes the highlight of the night - a sketch performed by the talented seniors of MMUCF specially for the ever gullible and naive Alphas. The sketch was about how the CF began, who made it happened, who helped, and ofcourse, God's grace and blessing for the CF.

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old man justin and young alpha bruce wayne

VJ as Johnny Bravo wannabe

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and ofcourse, the real VJ

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Chronicles Of MMUCF:
Johnny Bravo, The President, and The Prayer

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bye Deric!... seriously!

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all alone the president and prayer coordinator is

The CF ended the best way possible - makan! Wow~ I can imagine the impression we made to the Alphas. I pity their week, feeble minds. Muahahaahahaha~ Batman Begins, here I come!

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

don be a fool, stay in school - van wilder

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the hands of a daughter

School.. Dread school.. It's.. It's.. EVIL!!

That would be the most common phrase uttered by any primary school kids, but not me - I think school is cool! Wipe that smirk off your face, I'm serious okay? I really do think that school is very cool. Well, it CAN be due to the fact that my programming lecturer is Miss Julie Yew, Yew Jin Gee (i hope i spelled his name right), the secondary tuition teacher's daughter. *smiles* She's cute but there's a little baby fat on her face - I sat front row. I've known her.. well, actually she knew me before I knew her. I can remember it quite clearly, it was the first semester and the first time I sat foot in my IWP lecturer's office. She suddenly blurted out, "Hey, you use to go to my father's tuition right? -insert father's name here-". "Well, not me actually, but my brother does, I just hang out there often though." I replied. "No wonder you looked familiar,". This is Mr Yew's daughter?!! Wow~ Ahaks~ A chemistry tuition's daughter teaching programming.


My bro was quite excited when I told him about it. Actually, he would excited just as long as you say the girl is hot. Hahahahahah~
quick pick-up line:
if i said your body is hot, would you hold it against me?

My only hope is that the rest of my lectures are not gonna clash with cf and ofcourse, I hope I get more cute lecturers like Ms Julie. Ahaks~ Purely wishful thinking on my part. This is really gonna be an interesting semester after all. Guess I'm gonna spend most of my time bullying gals like Sippy. Hahahaa~


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starting young huh?

i can't help but post this... IM SORREEEE!!!

Monday, June 13, 2005

the beginning of the end

Wow.. 2 months.. over.. so.. fast.. Yay~! Finally, I'll be able to concentrate on getting a higher CGPA! Right..

The whole holiday was full of beginnings and, well, ends. A lot has happen in the 2 months. Lots of quick and rather harsh decisions for various reasons was made. Now that the CF Orientations are over I don't have much to do on Saturday and Sunday. In fact, I felt bored but I took the opportunity to glance back on what I've done and accomplished in the 2 months.

I took a personality test which I, by the way, still laugh whenever I read about my personality. "Chances are you were the class clown." Who can deny that huh? Ahaks~ But while reading my personality and reflecting on my past decisions, I had a really cold shiver that went down my spine. Being one who thinks based on facts and known knowledge, who strives to understand human behavior, I doubted my decisions. I doubted my actions. And I realize that the I've caused a lot of trouble for many people just because I myself was facing a difficult time.

I just wish that the end of my holidays will mark the beginning of a new chapter in my life. I hate reading my life and I bet many people do too. I especially hate the part when I hurt others so much, just because they don't understand my actions. Still, I am to be blame for initiating it in the first place. My father would say, "don't start something you can't finish". How true those words hold in my heart yet I fail to hold them true. Irony.

Diploma in IT, 2nd year, 4th semester. Andrew Liu Teck Ming. Mann.. I must be really dumb not to be able to enter Alpha. Or atleast that's how I feel. Haha.. I really do have a long way to go. Okay, I admit, this whole post is crap and is full of junk.

I feel so alone.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

that beach!! - Mr. Smith

Yesterday was one of the few days that I've ever get to have fun. Why? Because I went to the movies. Yay~ It was sooo cool!! It was sooo fun!! And I can feel the sarcasm rising up in me!! Ahaks~ But still, it feels great to catch the movies with a bunch of friends again. The last time I went to the movies was with Sandra and brother, watching Kingdom Of Heaven (Orlando is still a wuss) and before that.. well.. enough said.

Though the original plan for yesterday was to catch Madagascar with CP, Grace (mom), and bro in the morning (it seems the only poor people who haven't watch the show are CP and me) but alas, there were no morning shows for Madagascar. Awww... But still, we get to watch the ever fascinating Mr & Mrs Smith. Think a MI2. Think James Bond. Think Austin Powers. Err.. Maybe not Powers but the other two will do. The twist? They're married! Yes. James Bond married. Nathan married. And their spouses are spies/assassins/mercs too and both are out to get each other.

Married together for 5 or 6 years, so says Brad Pitt who plays Mr Smith whom is married to Jolie gal aka Mrs Smith. They pick great actors who really fit their roles. Slacker Pitt, rough & tough chick Jolie (with fake lips). Ahaks~

Later that night we took the new Alphas (all 20 of them), stuffed them into 5 cars and a van and brought them to Pantai Kundur for a special treat of Roti John and Ayam Golek. I drove the Iswara aka Red Scorpion and my passengers were all hot chicks. Whoohoo!! The other male drivers were jealous alright, but what can I say, I'm the man for the job. Ahaks~ The food taste great and we had lots to eat. I bet it was something like feeding the 5000. The Alphas were a bunch of very hungry people waiting to get their dirty hands on those Roti Johns. It seems they've never seen Roti John before. In fact, they've never seen a lot of things before. Ahhh~ The young and gullible.

After a hearty meal (we paid for them.. sigh~) The lot of us took a long walk to beach that was like 100-200 meters away. Half way through as I was walking, Jason came to me saying that we should drive our cars nearer to the beach so that we won't have to walk all the way back. Thus, I walked with him all the way back to our car thinking, "Wait a sec! I'm walking all the way back now!". Still, I guess I didn't mind. After all, it was fun to throw the Lulu Twins and Wayne into the sea. Wanted to throw one of the Alphas too, but we chose to be merciful. No worries. Their time WILL come.. *smiles*

Friday, June 10, 2005

the prick

I dunno what's your problem mann. As far as I know, we've been trying to accommodate your every never-ending nonsense that really never seems to come to an end.

You "punish" yourself with pathetic self-pity sorrows and blame others for consequences of your mistakes. You take everything given to you with love for granted.

You don't bother to appreciate those who, though are going through very difficult times, they give you what little they have to help you. Not a thank you. Not a "Hi, just dropping by to see you". Not even a "Hi" for that matter.

You selfish prick!!

You are disappointed with me? WE are disappointed with YOU. You rant on aimlessly on how you should've been there to prevent it when you're not even there to support us.

The worst part is that we can't hate you. Oh no, we can't. Why? Because we love you. It's because of this absolute love that we are bonded by that we can't hate you. It even limits our anger towards you.

From anger to compassion. From disappointment to hope. Why can't you see that WE LOVE YOU!! Why do you take that for granted? Why do you choose such a life? Does others mean so much more than us to you? If so, then I've nothing to say and I shall, as usual, take my leave. I love you.

great pics mark!

Monday, June 06, 2005

it hurts

Been listening to Guang Liang's song, Tung Hua recently or more precisely, ever since the mtv came on our good ol' local tv station TV3. Watching that particular mtv really stirred this dark soul of mine. It brought back feelings that I really thought were long buried, feelings that I thought we long dead. In short, it made me emo - big time. I started recalling my relationships, the people I loved and still love, the people I'm learning to love and the memories that I carry with me dearly. Images, pictures, flashes of smiles, their lips that words everything I lost or more accurately, everything that I let go.

Just last Friday, I dropped by my course-mate's house to pick up something from him. As I sat in front of his house talking to him, a familiar face passed me by. Time stopped as I immediately recognize a girl that I once cared for dearly - she was my first. She didn't looked inside the house, a good thing she didn't. I didn't want to cause any hurtful emotions to arise from the grave of me. But the sight of her passing by somehow stabbed my heart with the dagger of conviction - it hurts.

Afew seconds after she passed by I told my friend that I have to be excused as I still have work to do at the YAC. I took my bike and quickly rode pass her, hoping for.. I dunno.. I dunno what I'm hoping for. After all these years, she can still affect me like that. Heh~ I guess the 3 of them always could. After all, they're holding a valuable piece of my broken heart with them. For all I know they could've thrown them away but as for me, I've always kept them. Those pieces remind me that the past is real - they are my emotional scars.

Helping out in the CF helped me a lot in return. I was able to suppress those buried feelings deep inside my heart. In fact, a lot of people in the CF helped me a lot and whether they know it or not doesn't matter, I'm nevertheless grateful to them though they may not know it. Like a dove in the sky, I'm grateful that God has blinded my vain eyes to see the heart, not the shell. A true gift indeed - think Shallow Hall but a much lesser extent. But still, I wish to return to that fairytale of true love that I yearn so much, deep down in my soul.

Guang Liang
Tung Hua (fairytale)

忘了有多久 再没听到
我想了很久 我开始慌了

你哭着对我说 童话里都是骗人的
也许你不会懂 从你说爱我以后
我的天空 星星都亮了

我愿变成童话里 你爱的那个天使
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里

你哭着对我说 童话里都是骗人的
也许你不会懂 从你说爱我以后
我的天空 星星都亮了

我愿变成童话里 你爱的那个天使
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里

我要变成童话里 你爱的那个天使
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里

我会变成童话里 你爱的那个天使
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里


I forgot how long was it
Since I last heard you
Telling me your favourite story
I have been thinking for a very long time
I’m begining to feel paranoid
Did I make any mistakes again?

You came and tell me with the tears in your eyes
That fairytales are all lies
It’s impossible for me to be your prince charming
Maybe you will not understand
After the moment when you said you loved me
The stars in my sky, are begining to shine and shimmer

I’m willing to be the angel you love
In the fairytales
Open my arms wide
And let it become wings to protect you
You have to believe
Believe that we will be like the fairytale
With happiness and joy as the ending

I’m willing to be the angel you love
In the fairytales
Open my arms wide
And let it become wings to protect you
You have to believe
Believe that we will be like the fairytale
With happiness and joy as the ending

I will be the angel you love
In the fairytales
Open my arms wide
And let it become wings to protect you
You have to believe
Believe that we will be like the fairytale
With happiness and joy as the ending

Everything is our beautiful ending


Saturday, June 04, 2005

the end of the 3rd of june

Finally the boredom is over, gone, kaput, astalavista (baby), sayonara, abidesay, tata, |add other languages here|. Why? Because I did something useful today! Yes, something useful! Yay~ I feel so proud of myself. Haha... *silence* I know, I know. That's something I shouldn't be proud off and stuff. I should always be productive and ready for the moment. The moment never seem to come. Haha~

2 months ago, the mmucf informed its members on its final meeting that the 3rd of June would be the day whereby we would clean the hall as much as we can in the morning. Me, being bored with my faced glued too long unto the monitor knew that I couldn't afford to miss this opportunity to kill my boredom and welcome the new semester. With that, I sms'ed Sandra at 2am, telling her to get ready by 8.30am. Woke up at 7.30am feeling dead tired but at the same time excited - the cf is back.

I expected a number of people to be there in the morning to clean up the place. Rode my bike with Sandra behind me there with high hopes only to find Justin and VJ. Just the 4 of us? Okay larrr - not a problem. Cleaned up as much as we could, we even took out the weed from the back of the centre and burned them. We came across a weird "sign" though. As Justin was using a stick to check out the burning weeds he found something of great importance (to him), a burning bra. *gasp~!* Imagine - a burning bra! The last owner must be smokin' hot mann - or so he thought. Ahaks~

And if you think that morning wasn't enough, Justin asked me to go for the night's so-called meeting. I was expecting, chairs in a circle, people sitting and discussing matters of utmost importance. Yeah right. After having dinner and a long chat with CP aka Sippy, we went there in time for them to clean up the place again. The dust was a killer, if the morning's dust didn't get to me, the night one really did. It's like getting suckered punch buy the Wee Man except he's using knuckle dusters (what a prick). The great part was seeing familiar faces and smiles. After much cleaning we had our supper at Cahaya Dinar (CD) and ended the night with good byes.

Boredom over and out!

Thursday, June 02, 2005

the old fren

"This would most probably be the last time I can come to Malacca." she said softly. I stared into her soul, hoping to touch but a glimpse of emotion. "I wouldn't know which Uni would give an offer but I hope to get in KL." she continued. A soft smile flashed across her face. Her eyes began to fill with water. I motioned closer to her and swiftly caught her tears before it rain down her face. Her sorrow was like a great cry over the vast ocean, like a thunder amongst the mountains, like a lost child over a stretch of plains...

Yeah right~

She did say those two lines but I assure you she didn't cry and etc. Had to add in those spices or else it would look boring. Ahaks~ Today a dear old friend of mine from my NS days came down to visit me. Her name is Shu Lin and she's from Johor. A few days back she visited her aunt in Puchong and so I thought I could go up to visit her. I thought. Alas, due to other walling matters I could make that trip and so, she gave a better solution - if I can't go to her, she'll come to me.

5pm I received a message from her telling me that she had just arrived and she's on her way to her cuz's house in Bukit Beruang. Bukit Beruang is a less-than-10-minutes ride from my house - on my bike ofcourse. Cars would go faster though. And so it was set, 8pm I'll be meeting and taking her out for dinner. She gave me weird directions that would only lead to BBU but in the end I managed to find her cuz's house.

Took her to Amigo (sux as always) for dinner and we chatted the whole time. We talked a lot about, well, a lot of stuffs. Ahaks~ We took so long to finish our dinner that the clock crept past us. By the time we were done, it was already 11.30pm. As we got into the car she said that she wanted to see my house, as this would be the only chance she'll have to check out my crib. And so I brought her to my house. Worry not for my mom was home - no hanky panky. Hhahahahahaha~ Freak. I took out our old pictures and showed her the collection of pictures about my life after NS. Through the whole time, her face glimmered with a smile. Who wouldn't? Ahaks~ Took her home at 1am. She smiled.

When I reached home, I received a thank-you-for-sweet-memories sms from her. I smiled.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

juz some lyrics not worth reading...

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against the wall

Glen Fredly

Berat bebanku
Separuh nafas jiwaku

Bukan salahmu
Apa dayaku
Mungkin benar cinta sejati
Tak berpihak
Pada kita

Sampai disini kisah kita
Jangan tangisi keadaannya
Bukan karena kita berbeda

Dengarkan lagu, lagu ini
Melodi rintihan kati ini
Kisah kita berakhir di Januari
Selamat tinggal kisah sejatiku
Wo.. pergilah
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as a fact.