Empire Strikes Back - Director's Cut

Got this from Friendster Bulletin Board. Funny..


Darth Vader vs Luke Skywalker

A furious light sabre duel is under way. DARTH
VADER is backing LUKE
SKYWALKER toward the end of the gantry.

A quick move by Vader, chops off Luke's hand! It
goes spinning off into the
ventilation shaft.

Luke looks round, but realizes there's nowhere to
go but straight down.

DARTH VADER: "Obi Wan never told you what
happened to your father."

LUKE: "He told me enough! He told me you killed
him!"

DARTH VADER: "No! I am your father!"

LUKE: "No, that's not true! That's impossible."

DARTH VADER: "Search your feelings; you know
it to be true."

LUKE: "NO!"

DARTH VADER: "Yes, it is true and you know
what else? You know that queer
brass droid of yours?"

LUKE: "Threepio?"

DARTH VADER: "Yes, Threepio, I built him when I
was 7 years old."

LUKE: "No."

DARTH VADER: "Seven years old! And what have
you done? Look at yourself, no
hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own
ship out of the swamp."

LUKE: "I destroyed your precious Death Star!"

DARTH VADER: "When you were 20! When I was
10, I single-handedly destroyed a
Trade Federation Droid Control ship!"

LUKE: "Well, it's not my fault."

DARTH VADER: "Oh, here we go. 'Poor me, my
father never gave me what I
wanted for my birthday, boo hoo, my daddy's the
Dark Lord of the
Sith...waahhh wahhh!' You make me sick."

LUKE: "Shut up!"

DARTH VADER: "You're a slacker! By the time I
was your age, I had
exterminated the Jedi Knights!"

LUKE: "I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's
Canyon!"

DARTH VADER: "Oh, for the love of God, 10 years
old, winner of the Boonta
Eve Open. Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer,
right here baby!"

Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step toward it.

DARTH VADER: "I was wrong. You're not my kid. I
don't know whose you are,
but you sure ain't mine. Get out of my sight, you
loser!"

Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then
plunges down the shaft.
Darth Vader looks after him.

DARTH VADER: "AND GET A HAIRCUT!"