ding dong

Haunted by a jaded past
Never thought that love could last
Hope was but a castaway at sea
Skepticism took its toll
Closed the windows to my soul
Was fighting just to keep my sanity

When out of the noise I could hear You breathing
You came along knowing just what I needed
Turned me around and ya got me believin'
You would die for me ~ dc Talk

That song played in my mind as I once again, tried to comprehend all the changes in my life. Though it wasn't all that dramatic and stuff but still, it matter a lot to me. I've always wondered how would it feel for a person to undergo sudden change in the hands of God? Like Saul/Paul - got kicked off his horse and bam~! He's a new man. Instead, mine was a very loooong and sloooow process. I bet God had loads of trouble turning me around. Huge difference between then and now I tell ya.

Still, I am grateful for everything that He has done and I always feel like crap whenever I let Him down. The feeling is worse than letting your parents down. It's true~ Alas, no matter how hard I try to live a pure and holy life, sin comes in every now and then. And later it becomes another vicious cycle of redemption. I feed all of these monstrosities inside and I'll come alive.